Turning the Page

Party of Five

2010-08-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

Wow just the title takes my breath away just a bit. It is slowly sinking in that we will soon be a family of five but wow still a bit shocking. Sure I have had my freak out moments such as OMG we have to get a ginormous car, we better travel as much as we can until these babies are 2 because then WHOA, and probably the funniest ones have been just trying to imagine daily life with two babies and a toddler. I mean can I just grow octopus arms right now because apparently I am going to need them! Um how in the world do you take two infants and a toddler to the grocery story? Do I rent one of those flatbed carts like they have at Costco and just strap everyone down? Ugh the thought just makes my head spin!

However we are SUPER excited. It is going to be an adventure nonetheless. We have already begun the process of lining up help! At this time I would like to make a Public Service Announcement that if you could recommend a night nanny that would be awesome. Email me, phone me, send a telegram....we are on the hunt and taking names! I feels as if the key to survival in the first few months will be help. I already have someone five days a week during the day lined up now the nights are my main concern. And stop for one second before you judge (believe me I have already had more than a few comments) but hey my husband is here um maybe one or two nights a week and I will have TWO newborns....a night nanny is simply a no brainer for the first few months. No need to hear about husbands wonderful night sleep in a hotel each night while I am looking like a character out of the Thriller music video! NO NEED!

Let's move onto something fun like the fact that my clothes are already getting tight. Um that's awesome the babies weigh mere ounces and somehow my stomach looks like Jaba the Hut! If you did not see me pregnant the first time well........you are in store for a treat this time. Double the fun, lets just not hope double the fatness! Ill just put it out there that I gained 50 lbs with my son...should we take bets on the weight gain this time? My boss seems to be aiming at a rounded 100- hmmmm I might die of fatness!

So the clothes are getting a little snug and the babes are doing well. I went to the doctor yesterday and had a little Skype convo with them. They were good. Baby A was chillin for the most part while Baby B was showing off his (reference I call both babies him just because that is what I am use to) dance moves. I guess A got jealous because he quickly joined the party. Great technology that I can chat with the kids this early. Their friend the big red annoying blob was still being a groupie and trying to hang out with them but it looked like blob did not get any bigger and so far has stayed at bay (you girls know what I mean!). Still on the modified bed rest- Ill be honest its boring and I want nothing more than to run around with the two year old but it will all be worth it! Family and nanny are a true god send right now!

So here are a few funny tidbits that I have learned in my short few weeks about carrying twins:

-You have to double everything...including those dreaded prenatal vitamins......ickkkkk. They make me so sick at the most random times and I don't like them one little bit. They are the size of a caterpillar, why must I ingest two everyday!

-You get to Skype with the babies every time you go to the Dr. I have already done it 6 times! its awesome! And every other week I get to go to the Steve Jobs high tech version of Skype and see the twinks on a huge screen. Super cool!

-I heard a reference that twins in your uterus is like a clown car. I am going to adopt that saying as I totally agree. I love every time when my Dr. says, "Wow, your uterus is big", um could it be due to the fact that I have TWO babies in there....hmmmm.

-Someone told me that twins are only given to those that can handle it. Ohhhh geez well lets check back in about 7 months and see how that is going. Those who know how well I slid into the motherhood role can only just laugh right now. I forever feel as if my new look will be Monica from Friends on her Jamaican getaway with the hair that was stinking out five feet on all sides. However it will not be the humidity that will cause my crazy look! Good times!

So there you have it, a few observations and musings over the past week. Get excited about me updating this more often. I want to remember this crazy journey as well as....well I am sitting around all the time and I tell you I do have to take a break from online shopping and People.com every now and then!

Shock of a Lifetime

2010-07-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

Wow- the past 24 hours have been a whirlwind to say the least. I think I am still in some sort of state of shock but I am slowly emerging. Some major details have been ironed out and my feet are once again touching the ground.

What is this earth shattering news you ask? Well I am pregnant as shocking as that is in itself, we found out yesterday that I am pregnant with not one bundle of joy but TWO. That's right folks, TWINS! Okay pick your jaw off of the floor, right now, its not funny and I am not kidding! This is for real, no hidden cameras, no funny reality show prank, nope two little ones due in Feb!

So for posterity sakes lets recap a little of how this all went down. A little behind the scenes action (don't worry we will skip over the bedroom part)! I am sure all of my loyal readers remember this post so the fact that I am even pregnant means I have come a long way. I have. I have realized that nothing is for forever, things pass and everything that I am afraid of is not permanent. I control my feelings and if I don't want to be stuck at home and resentful I hold the power to change that, and by gosh I will do just that........even with three kids!

Okay so back to the good stuff. Michael Buble (the nickname for the huz) and I decided to start "trying" this summer, well besides the fact that Michael is the finest man alive, he actually has "super sperm" as I like to call it! It only took the first month- bam pregnant. I kept it a secret for a few days from Michael because I wanted to tell him on Father's Day. That morning the three footer and I bought a honey bun and wrote on a card, "Here is a honey bun from your new bun in the oven." On second thought I should have put two honey buns on there! He was ecstatic and so surprised! Great memory! I was a little over four weeks at the time, still very early. We decided we would not tell anyone (family and friends included) until 12 weeks.

Fast forward two weeks to July 4th. We had just gone to the neighborhood parade and got back to find what every pregnant person fears. So called the dr and she said hold tight until Monday. I went to the dr that following Monday and everything was good, one baby one heartbeat, unexplained bleeding. I was put on modified bed rest and told just take it easy.

Two weeks later I was soooooooo excited for my huz's concert. I had literally waited since Feb when I bought the tickets for it. As I got up to go shower, I found what looked to be a slaughtered pig, it wasn't. I was crushed, I feared the worst. Needless to say I missed the concert and returned to the Dr. the next day to find the same thing, one baby one heartbeat and a hematoma that was causing the bleeding. Okay nothing super serious, keep on the modified bed rest just wait. Let's add that modified bed rest is hard when your husband travels each week, I'm just sayin!

So we finally come to yesterday, back to the dr. Still having on and off bleeding and I just want to make sure everything is okay! The dr again finds one baby, one heartbeat and the hematoma. Only this time she thinks that maybe the hematoma is an empty sac. Maybe it was twins but only one fully developed. Okay I can handle that. So she proceeds to keep looking around and finds yet another sac. This time though I knew there was a baby in there. I immediately said- another one??? She said yes I think its twins or triplets! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I might have had a heart attack right there and maybe just maybe I told the dr to stop moving the ultrasound around I mean how many more where there!

She sent us up the the high risk dr and he confirmed just twins (just....ha!). The third "sac" is the hematoma so I still have to take it easy!

I mean what a day, what a whirlwind, what a ride this is going to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay tuned!

My Man

2010-06-03T05:44:00.000-07:00

I should be packing but as shocking as it is, I am procrastinating! Hmmm, oh well it will get done eventually. This morning I just wanted to take a few minutes out to talk about my man. He doesn't get enough publicity as he should and I wanted to remember the emotions that we have felt right now and honestly for the past few months!

My man got a very big job promotion yesterday. I just wanted to brag on him and give him the props he deserves. He has made it to this position in 6 short years which is unprecedented. I wish I had the right words to say how proud of him I am and to convey how far he has come. I think the realization is setting in today that I no longer hold the title of big dog around here! ha! Don't worry I am not about to complete lose it and start cooking and cleaning- nah, that would be going way to far. ha!

Ole Boy (my name for the huz)- we are so proud of you and get ready for one crazy celebration- limo style! The champagne is ready (yellow label of course! :)

Here Without You

2010-05-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

Last night driving home I heard the 3 Doors Down song, Here Without You, and I just started to cry. I am not sure I know what the true meaning of the song is but they way I interpreted it last night was that the guy was missing his loved one and she was no longer with him. This struck such a cord with me.

This week more than ever I have been aware of how precious life is. A dear college friend lost her brave husband to a fire last Saturday night while he was trying to save to residents from the burning house. It is heartbreaking. There has not been an hour in the day this week that I have not thought of her. She is such a kind great friend, it is just not fair. She has a three year old and a newborn. A three year old whose whole world is about his daddy. A three year that I hope and pray remembers the special bond he had with his daddy and a precious newborn that will have her prince charming to look at in pictures of him holding her as a baby. It is not fair.

I never had the pleasure to meet my friend's husband but through Facebook and pictures, I feel like I knew him. He is a true American hero. My heart is hurting for my friend. We share a birthday so we always have memories from birthdays out and many many sorority memories. It is just not fair. I wish I could take away her pain, I wish I could hug her and make it all better. It is definitely times like this that I am in awe of modern technology that brings everyone together. Our pledge class has all come together and a memorial page to her husband has 5600 fans. God must have needed a firefighter in heaven.

The circle of life is truly amazing and as a child I feel like you are protected from it, it truly was not until I had my son that I realized how precious life is. He has taught my heart a new way to love. I lost my grandfather two months ago and the pain still stings. He was 96, he lived a wonderful life but that does not make it any easier. Yesterday I saw first hand how hard losing a husband of 60 years like my grandmother did can really be.

We close on our houses tomorrow. Selling the current one at 8:00 and buying a new one at 8:30. As we did our final walkthrough of our new house yesterday the sweet lady who was selling it to us was packing up with her adult daughter. The daughter stopped to talk to my husband and was commenting on how hard this move was for her mother. She and her husband bought this house together many many years ago. This was their weekend house, their house to come visit the grandkids, their getaway house that contained many memories. Her husband passed away a year ago. They bought it together and now she was selling it by herself.

Wow, here are my husband and I buying this home that we are so excited about, excited to create new memories, that our son will have many great years in a great school district and it hit me, the circle of life. The lady selling it to us had to same hopes and dreams that we do and she achieved those memories and then some in this home but now it is perhaps not the ending she pictured. Buying a home together, you do not expect to sell it and all of the memories it holds alone.

I am forever changed by this realization. I know it is cliche but life is precious and life is short. Life is not fair and I know this but gosh, my heart is just breaking. I pray that my friend can enjoy all the memories of her husband and take comfort that he lost his life being a hero, saving a life. A true hero.

A Good Laugh

2010-04-29T05:38:00.000-07:00

Welcome to what is turning out to be my weekly Thursday morning post. I like to pretend I write for a flashy sophisticated newspaper that headlines my weekly column on the front page. Maybe a little Sex in the City dreaming. Just imagine I am sitting at the bay window of my fabulous NYC penthouse apartment sipping freshly made Brazilian coffee (hence the caffeine high) typing the most riveting column that you have anxiously been waiting for all week long. I like to think that is how it is happening!

So last night I had some really good laughs. The laughs that feel like medicine for your soul. For some reason this week I have been really homesick. Weird because I am not out of town or even out of my normal routine but I have been longing to be home with the little guy. I am chalking it up to a slow/boring week on the work front and therefore being at home would be time better spent. I also attribute it to the slow down of house excitement (please reference the previous post) in that the bidding game really is fun and now that the deals are negotiated all is quiet for a few weeks!

But anyway back to the good laugh! I had dinner with two good friends and their children last night and honestly I felt like a new person on my drive home. Those of you who know my fabulous life know that I drive. I drive A LOT. That issue is soon to be resolved but the driving does afford me a lot of thinking time. On the way home I thought about how much better I felt. These girls are genuine, honest and have similar thoughts and beliefs that I do. I tend to think I am crazy most of the time and they reassured me that they have similar thoughts! Not that they are crazy also, just think the same way sometimes! ha! Very comforting I must say.

It is nice to know that other people occasionally feel socially awkward or laugh internally during conversations the same way I do. Laughter really is great medicine. Being the inappropriate laughter in the group sometimes is hard and it was so fun to hear other stories and understanding that whew, I am not alone! ha!

One topic that we all had a good laugh about was pet peeves. Not just your average finger nails on the chalkboard pet peeves but your abnormal ones that make your skin crawl. Okay so I will share mine. It irritates the living ..... out of me when people drive across empty parking lots. Just go up and down the aisles, don't cheat and drive across four rows. I literally want to ram my car (figuratively of course) into cars that do that. Just follow the rules! One of the other girls go bananas when people do not obey four way stop traffic rules. Watch out, she just might be carrying a dart gun the next time you are at a four way stop!

Pet peeves are a funny thing if you start to think about it, I mean where do they originate. Did we all have a bad experience that created the pet peeve. Funny. Words tie into my pet peeves. One of my friends posted a word pet peeve on facebook and what ensued could only be described as some sort of word therapy sessions. People were posting word pet peeves right and left. I have never laughed so hard. My own personal word pet peeves are belly (ekk!), gal, womb and supper. Yuck all of them make my skin crawl. A few others that were thrown out on facebook were lunch (makes me laugh every time), panties, deli meat and kids. When someone says a word that I despise, all conversation is lost. My brain starts thinking yuck I don't like that word, thoughts drift to why someone would use that word and social awkwardness ensues as I am totally lost in the conversation. Yep my brain is a funny little working machine!

A good laugh even if internal is sometimes just what you need!!! Just take a moment in your day to think about it and I guarantee you will have a little chuckle!

Best of Intentions

2010-04-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

I always have the best of intentions to keep this blog updated. Partially for the thousand and thousand of readers that I am sure that I have. Even though the stat counter only says about 20 I am envisioning that people gather around a few 20 computers and read in large groups. Maybe it is read to large groups and people are just drooling with excitement. Maybe I am delusional. Maybe.

Honestly I want to keep this blog updated mostly for selfish purposes. One, to work on my writing. To try different styles, to write when I am in different moods, settings, etc. I have found most of my writing is best when I am overly caffeinated. Hmmm I wonder what that says about me. Anyway, I am going to make a concerted effort to keep this blog updated. The problem is that I only like to read blogs when they are interesting. Mostly funny or informative and therefore when I do not feel like I have interesting content then I do not feel like updated the blog because who likes to read boring content- not me. I am thinking that is a good way to lose a few thousand of my readers.

So let's see what is on my mind today.....stress. It is a funny stress and mostly self induced. You see my husband and I are addicted to the real estate game. We love the chase, we love the game and let's be honest, we love the money making ability. We have been lucky (maybe even a little smart) and have succeeded in our five short years of playing the game. And goodness our realtor certainly loves us. I would say that is where we could be a little smarter because I am pretty sure we have provided our realtor with a steady income for the past few years. But I do believe in order to succeed you need to surround yourself with people smarter than you and she is GREAT at her job therefore it is money well spent.

Well this time we have embarked on a daunting challenge for ourselves. The selling part is taken care of and actually was pretty painless. I won't lie, I was stressed during that period but we have the selling part down pat and are lucky enough to have made a good decision, lot wise and house wise that ended up paying off. Now onto the buying part. This is where the stress comes in! The area we are wanting to buy in is a little above our comfort level and therefore we are trying to really wheel and deal. Our first effort was not the deal we were wanting however I "think" our second deal is going to make it. Fingers crossed. It is a deal unlike any other deal and we are super excited/hopeful!

So who are the players in this game and what role to they play. I love behind the scenes stuff. I think that is why in the accounting world I was drawn to audit. Not because I loved to tie-out hundreds of financials or use tickmarks or even create a lead sheet. No, my favorite part was understanding how the company worked, taking the plant tours and realizing the in depth complexities of what seemed to be a simple company. So if you are like me, when a deal happens, I like to understand how it happened. For instance am I the only one that finds the sell/purchase of the Texas Rangers fascinating. Fascinating because Tom Hicks is completely running one company into the ground yet his real estate company is going to come out on top from the sale. Total nerd I know but at least I am honest!

So anyway, back to our game, in the real estate game we play we do have a few key players. I would say that my husband and I compliment each other nicely. I am the stress ball, number cruncher, glass half empty player and he is the realistic, calm, sometimes number cruncher level headed one. Bless him! We look to several people for advice mainly my parents and my boss. My parents both give excellent advice and differing opinions. My dad is a tax expert and will always run through the financial and tax ramifications with me and my mom grew up with a real estate minded father so she will preach the usual....location location location. "You always buy the smallest house in the neighborhood on the largest lot." Let me tell you- she is right. Works every time!

My boss is a trusted adviser for me. I know most of his financial information (mainly because I handle it) and he is a good businessman. He is a straight shooter and I always appreciate his opinion. My husband knows him as we all work in the same business so it is always nice to bounce things off of him.

Through the escapades I have found that you really do marry your best friend. This game we play would not work for most couples. Husband and I love to move we get bored after being in one spot for too long and we make a good partnership. We compliment each other in this game. It is funny we do not always make the best decisions and goodness we have definitely learned many life lessons along the way but I do feel that through all this we have become closer. Buying and selling real estate is in a way our own form of marriage counseling. It allows us to do something as a team while understanding each other's strengths and weaknesses.

I do look forward to completely our next deal and I think we will probably make this one our final one (for awhile!).

I must add that my sisters have recently gotten into the game, both completely their first deals this year. Let's see if they get as addicted as we are!!

Effects of the Economy

2010-03-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

We hear it all over the place, the economy, the economy, health care, the economy....yea yea yea. I know it is affecting hundreds, no make that millions of people but honestly it is hard to conceptualize unless it directly hits you. Sure you try to cut back, make a few less Starbucks runs, maybe stop by Wal-Mart instead of Whole Foods, maybe make last year's clothes fit a little longer. Unemployment is hitting millions and I do see that first hand as I work in the highly sought after business of medical sales and watch as eager little beavers come in daily to interview for our ever expanding business. My husband who is in the same business receives resumes in his inbox on a weekly business. It is tough out there but do we really truly understand the effects.

For me, I do somewhat understand the economic impact in a business and financial sense but no one, not even me, cares to talk about that. I mean really do you think my friends would enjoy chatting about how the economy is affecting the financial markets or the lending industry....doubtful, highly doubtful. I mean I am bored just writing about it, but I must admit, my nerdy mind does think about it! ha! So anyway, a much more interesting take on the economy and a first hand view of the changes it is causing is from business bankruptcy.

So let's put it this way, your favorite store closes. Ahhhhh I hate when this happens. I shop there all the time, why is it closing. I mean I spend hundreds there a year and I always see other people shopping in there and I know all my friends love it so how can they be suffering. I think I could personally support it through my insane addiction to it. Well it is is oh so much more complicated than this. I am going to attempt to explain it in simplistic terms!

The latest victim ladies.....hold you breath........Swoozie's. Yes my dear friends, Swoozie's is closing all of their doors. Can we all make a mental note to jot this down in whatever form of planners we use so that we can alert each other as soon as the clearance and liquidation sales begin! I just might buy all of those little cookie jar things, maybe I will give them as gifts, maybe I will eat them all myself, I am just saying. I think the husband is more sad than me that they are closing because it is for sure his go-to place for gifts for me. It is so easy, just buy pretty much anything in there for me and I am happy. My friends know, I buy every single birthday, baby shower, wedding shower, gift in there. Love it, oh the sadness is setting in. Ahhhh.

Okay so why are they closing, why do stores that are seemingly doing well from an outsiders view close? Well there are many explanations. In Swoozie's case it was over expansion and then the inability to off-set those increased costs with increased sales. Liabilities were greater than assets coupled with net loss and pair that with the inability for increased borrowing and not finding a suitable buyer to buy the company all points to bankruptcy and closing. Now bankruptcy does not always signal an end for a company. There are two types of bankruptcy- Chapter 7 and Chapter 11. Today I would like to chat about Chapter 11.

Chapter 11 bankruptcy generally provides the company the ability to reorganize. The company intends to stay in business while allowing the bankruptcy court to supervise the company's debt and contractual obligations. The court has the ability to cancel all or some of the company's debt and therefore allowing the company to remain in business. Think of it as a pause button that the companies can push to catch their breath, re-group before they jump back into the race. It is equivalent to walking through a water station during a marathon. It is a long race, sometimes you need to slow down and get caught up. Sometimes it works and the companies allow some fresh faces, new management strategies, new lenders to help them out. Sometimes it doesn't work. There may not be anyway to restructure they debt, a bank or lender may not be willing wot work with the court or take on a new agreement. Okay have I lost you? Are you bored?

Here are some Chapter 11 companies that might impact your daily life......Mrs. Fields Cookies (I mean who does not love a gooey yummy cookie), they filed for Chapter 11 in August 2008, emerged October 2008 and now are opening new stores, ready to go. So what did they do...they cleaned up their balance sheet. What is a balance sheet, well it is where your assets and liabilities and equity are located. It is simple if liabilities are greater than assets....well you are in trouble. So they eliminated both short term and long term debt and established a new credit facility that enabled them to emerge a stronger, more sound company. They are now thriving as they open new stores, expanding their brand and marketing.

Circuit City was not as lucky as Mrs. Fields. They were not able to find banks and/or lenders who were willing to take a chance on them. Best Buy, Costco, various other electronic stores posed to much competition. They were a sinking ship that was not able to be saved. Harold's was in the same boat. I loved Harold's, what college age girl in the south did not shop there, especially for rush and sorority related activities. It was annual event at my house, as the mother of three girls, my mom would take us to Harold's to load up for the spring and fall semesters. It was a sad sad sad day they day Harold's closed their doors.

So what happened, Harold's filed for Chapter 11 in July 2009. At the time of the filing the companies liabilities exceeded its assets by $19 million. How could that be, I swear we single handily supported the various Texas stores we shopped at. I mean their clothes were by no means cheap. Well it all goes back to poor financial management. Sure they had great sales but their expenses began to out weigh their sales, competition set in and Harold's did not necessarily keep up with the new trends, all recipes for disaster. In my years at PwC I quickly realized how quickly management could force a company into financial distress, despite of the popularity of the merchandise, services provided, etc.... It is sad really. Sad for the consumers who did their part in supporting the store and upper management just made poor decisions.

To tie it all back together that is what happened with Swoozie's. Over eager expansion just caused them to drown. They were over eager beavers, taking over 13 Blue Tulip stores in the Northeast in early 2009. The economic downturn coupled with the failure to obtain additional capital caused the cookies to crumble. Oh how I love those little chocolate chip cookies in the cute jars. I admit, chessy metaphor but I had to do it, way to easy!

On March 2, 2010, Swoozie's filed for relief under Chapter 11. This did not come as a complete shock to me, I was assuming something was up because as the frequent shopper that I am, I started to notice "wind down" activities. For instance they have been out of bags and "Swoozie" wrapping materials for several months and will not provide a date when they should expect to receive more. They also are not taking anymore special orders. Hmmm I knew something was up! They estimate that their liabilities exceed their assets by $9 to $40 millions (all courtesy of bankruptcy filing information). Very vague if you ask me. The end is near my friends. Their inventory is extremely low and the knight in shining armour does not look like he is about to ride up on his white horse! Sale information should be coming any day now!!!

The big bad stationary and cutsie item companies after them. Their top 40 creditors include, Mud Pie, Heart Strings, Crane, William Arthur and Melissa and Doug. Most of this debt is unsecured, meaning these companies will be lucky to receive their money but their are a few landlords in the deal who are sure to stake their claim as well.

The lesson learned in all of this, as much as you love a store and are loyal to them, sometimes their management and business plan can ruin it all for you. I am on the look out for a replacement store now that my love is closing. Let me know if you find one. In the meantime, as you peruse the malls and shopping centers and see empty store fronts, in the back of your mind maybe this little lesson will pop up.

Talk to me...

2010-03-25T10:12:00.001-07:00

I have had so many great conversations since I posted the previous post yesterday. Lots of good insight and very good perspective. I love it. I am still struggling with where to go, how to proceed but I love hearing other people's thoughts. If you haven't noticed I have decided to drop the whole Hollywood thing, just going to be a plain old boring blog from now on. Just about me and y crazy thoughts though. No pictures and no real identities though. I don't care if you leave your name but those of you that know me- just don't use my name in comments. Mystery is much more fun right!!

So here is something else on my mind lately. The funny things between boys and girls. I first noticed it at the park the other day with the button. This adorable little girl was following him around all over the playground and he could have honestly cared less. All he was into was putting mulch in his pick-up truck. As I sat there watching him I thought oh my gosh it is already starting. This poor little girl just wants his attention, not because he is adorably cute with his white hair and crystal blue eyes, but because she is a girl and just wanted some attention and someone to play with her. He was immersed in his own thing, he did not give her the time of day.

Flash forward two days and we saw a group of boys on the beach throwing the football around. They were having so much fun throwing the football into the water and falling trying to catch it. They would not have even noticed if Air Force One landed right on the beach in front of them. Then as I spanned the beach I noticed a group of four girls standing at the shoreline, giggling, pointing, standing there trying to catch the boys' attention. Finally the football came towards them and the girls scooped it up and teased the boys before letting them have their football back. You could tell that the boys had ZERO interest in flirting with these girls and quickly got back to their game. Again I was so intrigued by this behavior.

We have all been there, waiting at home in the evening staring at the phone, willing it to ring and the boys on the other hand have not thought about it for two seconds. I have been there and I would try to distract myself but you know it never works. Girls are always waiting for boys and torturing ourselves over lack of phone calls or attention and the boys, bless them, don't even notice.

So I just laughed to myself at the park the other day watching the button and this little girl. I just wanted to go over there to her and say, honey it is already starting....even at your little age.

Men!

Meet me in Naples...

2010-03-24T07:42:00.001-07:00

I started this blog a few days ago and alas, it did not save! Err so irritated, it was high quality stuff that I had, award winning. I am going to attempt to gather my thoughts and get them down on paper, okay, cyberspace. I know you are on the tip of your chair awaiting the complicated yet ever exciting thoughts that run through my brain on a daily basis.

I am a daydreamer. Not sure if day dreamer is two words or one word. I kind of like it better as one word so while that may not be grammatically correct, I am going to write it that way. You see I daydream all the time! When I run, when I drive all over this fine metroplex on a daily basis, even when I am hard at work. I blame my lack of cooking on daydreaming because I can never pay attention long enough to actually make a decent meal. It usually ends up burned and at the bottom of the disposal because I usually begin some sort of deep thought. Now lets get this straight, for the most part these are not highly intellectual daydreams. Now you see I have been on the cover of Sports Illustrated for collegiate golf, I have been a highly sought after executive, I have had my own reality show and I have even been a famous author out in NYC on a book tour! My life is fascinating, all in my head!

So I do a lot of thinking and often I have a hard time articulating those thoughts in the form of spoken word. Written word is much easier for me. Maybe it is shyness, maybe a lack of self confidence, not sure but whatever it is, writing is always easier for me. Hence pouring out my heart in the form of blog posts.

Since the little guy has come into our lives I have morphed into a new person, in many ways. Many boring and not exciting ways but I have also learned a lot about who I am and who others are. This happens to every mom I am sure, but I do think I have had a few more transformations than most and many that I am currently struggling with.

This past weekend I had what I call a mini mid-life crisis. I know I am only 30 therefore it is not a complete meltdown. I did not go out and tan so that I look like I could fit into the new season of Jersey Shore nor did I enhance the chest area to match Pam Anderson (although tempting) but I did come to a few realizations. Things that had been in the back of my head for awhile and I just kind of put them all together. Fears that I had been suppressing finally made sense.

You see prior to the little Button arriving I was in the corporate world. Not a huge big shot by any means but I was privy to it all. I sat in board meetings, met with CFOs and CEOs and called one of the wealthiest men in Dallas my client. The fact that a million dollar error was not material to the financial statements was the norm. We were dealing with multinational billion dollar companies. It was fun, it was insane hours and it was hard work. I had daily interactions with two big shot partners in our firm and I had a staff that worked under me. I had worked through four years of undergraduate, an unbelievably hard graduate school year, a year of studying for the CPA exam, passing the CPA exam (which when I found out I passed I was driving and literally had to pull over I was crying so much) and became a licensed CPA in two states. I was promoted early in the firm, became a manager pretty fast. I was set, I was highly rated every single year and I was on the fast track. Then I became pregnant, it all changed.

I continued to work at the firm for the first nine months post baby but it was different. I realized that although the firm is touted as one of the best places for working mothers it was just different. I had to pump in the bathroom of an airport, I had to race home to see my baby for one hour and I was ridiculed for doing so. So my time with the firm ended and it was the best decision I ever made. I do not have to work but I chose to work. I know myself, I am a better mom for working, I need to be challenged, I need my time and because of that I am a better wife, a better mom. I work three days a week and I absolutely love it. I worked hard for my degree, to become a CPA. I am not going to let that go because what happens when the kids go to school full time and then to college, where is my identity. Sure I am a mom but I need something of my own as well. I need to contribute, I need to earn my keep and by gosh, I need my own 401k! ha!

So that is all fine and good right, millions of women go through the same mental battles that I just described, what is so special about that. Well, here it is. Pre-baby, I made more money than my husband. I had more financial sense and I felt I had equal decision making power to him. I invested our money, I researched our mutual funds, bonds and where we would invest. We love to buy and sell real estate and we were very equal in every sense financially and emotionally. We did not and still do not have as I like to call it a 1950's marriage. He does his thing and I do my thing. I do not wash and iron his clothes and he does not write my checks. We are equal. Sure we have a joint bank account for house expenses and mutual things but we also have our own accounts. If I want to go to Starbucks every morning then that is my decision, it is my money that I earned and equally if he wants to go to Whataburger everyday for lunch than why should I stress, why should I have to watch the account every day to see what he is doing. We each have our own "play" money and that works for us.

Alright back to the mid-life crisis. Now that I have given you a little background you will understand this dilemma a little more. This past weekend the little guy met the husband in Naples, FL. It was a fabulous weekend filled with beach time, dining at outdoor restaurants, strolls through the parks, wine at outdoor cafes, long morning runs, lots of sun and just an overall wonderfully relaxing weekend. The husband travels a lot, and I mean a lot, every single week for at least three nights so it was very special that we were able to tag along this time. It was great! His company's headquarters are in Naples, it is a small community so the company is very well known there. They spend a lot of money entertaining on the main strip, they go deep sea fishing, they play golf, they are just known around town. The husband knows a lot of people and they know him. We were treated very well. And during all this it dawned on me. This is the part of me that misses the corporate world.

The husband is definitely climbing the corporate ladder and I could not be more proud of him and happy for him. It is great for our family but I do know what I am missing out on. I know how fun the dinners, the happy hours, the outings, the team camaraderie can be. Sure it probably sounds shallow. I am not saying I would rather be at a dinner than home with my child, I would not trade that for the world. Let me put it this way, the husband travels all the time, is going to fabulous dinners, meeting with fun people, doing the corporate thing. I am home making macaroni and cheese and going to parks. I love the time with my child- love love love it but I also am jealous. My husband and I have 100% switched roles. He has a whole life in his business and I have my mom life but I feel like there is something more I need. I just need to find some sort of balance.

I really don't think there is a perfect answer. I have sought advice from many people recently, I just don't know what the right solution is. Part of me thought I was ready to have a second child but now I am scared to death. I don't want to be stuck at home while the husband travels the country and we can't join because I have two little ones. I just want to pop out a five year old, ha! Is that possible? I just don't want to become this bitter resentful wife that I see so many women become. I am not content to develop apples sauce recipes and I am also not content to work a 9-5 job and never see my child. Oh what is the answer, what is the perfect balance.

The only solution I can find is to become a famous author and travel around the country on my book tours and bring my child (and/or children someday) with me!!! ha!! Perhaps that is a daydream, perhaps potential reality.

Thankful

2009-11-23T09:54:00.000-08:00

I have millions of thoughts in my head. So many that I often can not even think about normal thoughts and spend hours day dreaming! Lucky for me I do a lot of driving so that time is mostly consumed by day dreaming (I mean concentrating driving)! After consultation with my many contributors to the book I think I have finally started to formulate main characters.

Through many discussions (those whom will remain secret) I have heard so many stories that just make me think of one thing...thankful! Thankful for the situation that I am lucky enough to be in! I have an amazing husband, an amazing son and I could not ask for more. Writing lets me escape into a world of dreams, imagination and yes, heartbreak. It is a world of reality sandiwched between imagination.

A year ago this week, my family lived a very real reality. A world where CNN became real. You see a year ago this week my dad was in Mumbai, India. He was right in the middle of the terrorist attacks. We were one of those families glued to CNN and scared every time bombs went off, fires started and people were pulled out on a stretcher. We were lucky, he is okay but oh so many were not. I am reminded of just how many things we have to be thankful for. Thankful that my dad decided to have one more drink in his bar hotel before heading over for his dinner reservations in the very hotel that was bombed. Thankful.

As I develop my characters I am trying decide where they will go, what they will do, how they will affect each others lives. It is funny when you really start to evaluate your life and others lives how your perspective can change. I am just thankful today.

Sappy post I know, you will love me for it later! In the meantime, hug everyone a little tighter and be a little kinder!

Until tomorrow........

And so it begins...

2009-11-16T19:27:00.000-08:00

A new adventure of sorts. I am embarking on something completely random, completely out of my comfort zone and something I am not really sure I am or will be good at. But here it goes!

What is this little ditty you ask............well I am going to write a book. Stop laughing, I am serious! I have always wanted to be a writer! Even though I am fabulous in so many ways, I feel as if lately I am just now learning who I really am. Really truly learning my likes and dislikes and what I believe in and who I want to surround myself with. Writing has always been something I have enjoyed and dreamed about and I thought, why not now! What am I waiting for? I certainly am not getting any younger!

I have taken the first few baby steps in pursuing this little adventure and have been consumed by it every since then! I dare not call it a career, we know that I will always fall back on acting and well of course that little accounting thing I do on the side but I do hope to make this hobby advantageous for myself, Dennis and Michael. I won't lie, I do have aspirations to be the next big thing, who doesn't. I honestly don't believe people when they say, oh it just started as this small thing, I never set out to be big or popular or rich. Well why dream if you can't dream big!

So I have several little thoughts, plot lines, characters that I have been thinking about. Mainly this thinking time is one of two places, the shower and on a good run. Not sure what that says about me....hmmmm don't answer. I am a shy person by nature. I know that is shocking to you considering how many famous friends I have and who I am married to but in all honesty I have millions of thoughts in my head and many times I am to shy to say them or don't know how to articulate them properly. Writing has always been a better communication outlet for me! Kind of hypocritical I know based on my last post that mysteriously disappeared but oh well, this is my blog, my forum.

So anyway, yes loyal readers, a select few of you are characters in my book! Better not make me mad! Ha, just kidding! I can't give away to many details or I would never sell any copies however I do plan to use this blog as a experimental area, a test kitchen of sorts. So as I develop characters, plot lines, please give me feedback. Please let me know what you would like to see so that I can understand it from another perspective.

One hint....I am in the book, and one friend embarking on a new adventure is in the book. ahhhh don't you love foreshadowing!

Loads of Change!

2009-11-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

Loads of change on the horizon! We have just had so much going on that I can not even keep up! We had an absolute fabulous vacation! Simply put....it was perfect! Charlotte and her family and Ashely Olsen and her family were just a dream to travel with. This may burn your ears and you may let out a gasp............but we did not wear make up the whole time! I am just hoping I don't get raked over the coals in the tabloids for that! But honestly it was so nice to wear lounge clothes and no make-up all week!

Our beach house was TO.DIE.FOR! Amazing, Charlotte is A #1 vacation planner! I am picturing a little side business for you Charlotte!

Where to begin.....let's see. Dennis switched schools recently and is now attending a private school located a few miles away. The drive is less than desirable however the school is simply fabulous. It puts my heart and mind at peace to have him there and therefore it is completely worth it. Dennis is loving it and has even made some "real life" celebrity friends which has been wonderful for our image! Nothing like getting invited over to play dates with a new inner circle!!!

Michael of course has still been on a press tour promoting this fabulous new CD of his! He did take time to throw a wonderful small little birthday party for me while we were on vacation! I was mad initially because it felt as if everyone in the world had forgotten about my birthday. Don't you hate it when you put every single person's birthday in your iPhone and spend painstaking hours having your personal assistant find the perfect gift for each of your fabulous friends and then no one cares to do the same for you? I am not saying that happen to me at all, just the ever so slight appearance of this skimmed over me as I was having a self pity party for myself! However, Michael saved the day! Charlotte and Ashley Olsen (of course I always call her by both her first and last name) decorated our Beach house the night before and treated me to a wonderful morning at the spa on the day of my birthday. Michael and Dennis got me a wonderful birthday cake and Michael even promised to take me to one of his concerts! Maybe he will let me sit front row! Nah, probably reserved for some of those crazy obsessed girls that are his fans. Those girls are crazy!!! I could not ever imagine being like that! :)

The night of my birthday we had the nannies stay with all of the Mouseketeers that night and had a simply divine dinner at a private beach side mansion. Perfect! It was a wonderful birthday and as I have said before a true lady never reveals her age however let's just say this birthday age ends in a zero.

Halloween came and went. Nothing spectacular to report. Did the trick or treating duty. Ate candy. The End.

I am currently at the moment, feeling completely unorganized. I think you can probably tell that just from the way I am writing. I need a personal organizer to come in and get my life in order. Nothing dramatic of course, I just feel like I don't know where things are, I don't know what I want to prioritize and I don't know how best to spend my free time. There are a million and one things that I want to do however I just can't get motivated to do them.

Michael is expecting me to do hard labor this weekend. He wants me to plant trees. I didn't even know people did that. I mean can't we hire someone to do that for us? How absurd will I look out there attempting to dig a hole. I know the economy is hurting but come on, I see plenty of people out on the streets holding up those gigantic "Going Out of Business" signs meant for advertising, can't we hire one of them. I mean seriously if they are desperate enough to hold one of those signs I think they will be just fine digging holes in my back yard.

So I broke my own rule! Yep, I am now the proud owner of..............(internal thoughts- a new house, a new car, a unlimited Starbucks card)......................................skinny jeans! Yes ladies, I am sporting the skinny jeans. Carrie and my mom, Kris Jenner, had to put the pretty hard sell on me to get them but I must say, I have received many compliments ever since! A little happy birthday to me type gift (the compliments not the jeans! ha!). I absolutely can not shop without Carrie, Monica and Kris. I was born without the girl part of my brain that allows me to pick out clothes for myself. I simply can not do it! That is why it is mandatory that either my sisters or mom accompany me on all shopping trips! Thankfully they did not disappoint on our latest trip to Ann Taylor Loft! Loving me some ATL fall trends!!!

Well ladies, I have successfully wasted naptime this afternoon with playing on the internet, looking at Facebook and updating my blog. Not the things I was hoping to get done but oh well! Boot camp starts in an hour, better eat that last cookie now!

PS- one of the little things on my to-do list involves a new little prospect/hobby/business venture that I am pursuing. You can be my critics. I will start trying it out soon!!!! :)

Stay tuned........

Away on Holiday!

2009-10-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

Hello loyal readers,

We are currently away on holiday however I wanted to give you a quick glimpse into our life. I picked up the latest edition of US Weekly and found this picture of us and thought it just typified what we go through on a daily basis! How the paps found us here, I still do not know!

As you can see, the two body guards are off staring into the ocean, having an intimate conversation. We are still wondering if these two body guards are having a little side fling. Mixing business with pleasure will not be happening with these two on my watch!

Also please take notice of our poor Mouseketeers and how they are constantly hounded, even when they are innocently playing in the sand! Those damn paps!

Well fabulous friends, back to enjoying our fabulous vacation. Be back on in commission in a few days! Off to enjoy my pool side colada!

Going to the Chapel

2009-10-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

Going to the chapel....that's right. One year from tomorrow my sweet sister Carrie will be walking down the aisle. Walking behind perhaps the cutest ring bearer EVER! PS- Teresa can I borrow Mouseketeer L's tux? You know Dennis is a little thing so it should fit perfect. Have your other two kids Tanner and Adam swing by and drop it off sometime!

Yes loyal readers, Kris and Bruce's last daughter will now be off the market! Don't worry, they have dated a tad longer than a month so we are not breaking the record set by Khloe and Lamar! As I was leaving Kris and Bruce's house this morning (I spend the night over there on occasion while Michael is gone!), Bruce informed Carrie that she only has one year left with the credit card. Ahhhh how wonderful was that, having your parents credit card. Now don't be fooled, we could not just go shopping whenever we wanted, and Bruce being the crazy analyzer that he is did read through each credit card statement with a fine tooth comb. In fact one time on a cross continental flight from the US to Brazil- Bruce brought Monica her credit card statement with all kinds of highlights on the purchases. Hilarious- only Bruce!

But in all reality, Bruce does take the family credit card away once you say "I do"! It is a sad day in some respects, the reality that you are a grown up, on your own, and as Bruce says it- the warranty title now switches to your husband! I tried to put up a case today that once yo have a grandchild you should be rewarded with a credit card once again however that plea fell on deaf ears. Hmmm, note to self, must work on the negotiating skills!

So Carrie is in full wedding planning mode. She just started this fabulous new job at the Performing Arts Center and is off hob nobbing with society's best each night. Luckily Michael and I will be attending a few galas however Kris and Bruce seem to steal all the good tickets. I guess that is how you know the economy is really hitting you when you don't even splurge for more Opera tickets.

In other news, I seem to have only a few days of my youth left. I seem to be hitting another century mark in a few days. I am not scared, bring it on! I was secretly hoping for an all out bash but as Monica reminded me, you must point blank spell things out for Michael. It is hard growing up with all sisters who make HUGE deals out of birthdays only to get married and realize that if you tell your husband that you like a pillow at Costco that he thinks he is being creative and thoughtful by buying it for you for your birthday! REALLY A PILLOW???? You thought a pillow was a good birthday present. I tell you ladies, Michael is one hot little thing but he is all shades of terrible in the gift department! I like to be surprised with gifts, I do not like to say- hey i want this and then someone buy it. I want you to think about it, to find the perfect gift, I mean is that to much to ask???? Not for the fabulous Hollywood starlets that we are!

So if you must, a helicopter, Range Rover or Rolex are all suitable gifts, however, a Old Navy gift card hits the spot!!

Stay tuned.....

Part of the Crowd or Proud to be Yourself?

2009-10-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

So today I am at work, working as hard as a fabulous Hollywood starlet can! You all know that I have a day job. It affords me the right to splurge on the new Gucci bag or the hottest Christian Louboutin heels. Yes ladies it gives me fun money. So don't judge, some of us Hollywood celebs really do have to work for our money!!! Even though my hottie husband Michael doesn't do to shabby himself!

So while here are work I of course had to watch Michael perform this morning on the Today show. Ahhhh he was simply amazing! But don't be fooled, there are some haters here in the old oficina! Yes it seems Michael (my boss not hottie hot husband) is not a huge fan of the huz. And Pam, well she is not a fan either. They are more of the punk rock/alternative scene. Nothing wrong with that. We all have our own tastes right. Just because mine is more refined and 1000 times better, that's ok! ha!

So I started thinking that as I have gotten older and become a wife and a mom I have really "found myself". Let's be honest, in high school, you went with the mainstream, you liked what everyone else liked and you did not dare try to pretend. One funny story that I kid you not is true for me went a little like this.....Lynette who went to private school her whole childhood suddenly moved to public school for high school. Lynette who wore uniforms everyday from kindergarten to eight grade suddenly had to wear "street clothes"! WHAT! AGH! What do I wear! Well first few weeks of school, Lynette notices that all the girls are wearing low cut converse tennis shoes, Lynette was accustom to wearing saddle oxfords! So what does Lynette do when faced with the ever impending question...Lynette where are your converse? Do I answer truthfully, do I tell them I have never even owned a pair, let alone know that they are cool....nope- I lie and say oh they are at home! Stellar! But hey its high school, you just want to fit in!

Then comes college and sororities. I was part of that sorority that is often referenced on Saturday Night Live, you know.....Delta Delta Delta, can we help ya, help ya help ya! Yep, proud TriDelt alumni! Well I went to school a few states away (not in Hollywood anymore Toto) and I also played a little game called golf in college. This little game was my free ride, my meal ticket to the education! Again, the name of the game was fitting in! I am a shy person by nature (probably why I like to express my feelings through writing!) and therefore making friends was number one priority. Not that I was not myself at all, I just think situations and circumstances like that do not allow you to truly understand who you are as a person.

Enter Mommy hood, whoa it through me for a loop! I was a Hollywood workaholic. I worked all the time. I worked late into the night on set and produced a million projects! I was good at what I did and rose through the ranks. But again, it did not allow me anytime for friends, fun times or anything else. Sure I attended fabulous premiers and award shows but I was still not free to do what I wanted! Now get your head out of the gutter, its not like I was a masked Broadway star just yearning to let me free spirit reign! I just didn't really truly understand what I liked and disliked!

Fast forward to today, because of my wonderful friend, Kelly Ripa, I have met the most wonderful friends who I honestly could spend every single minute with! I just love all these girls and am so lucky to be part of their inner Hollywood circle. And through Dennis I have really come to understand who I am! Its funny really.

So what have I discovered...well here we go. Let's start with fashion. I prefer to dress Dennis in plain colored polos and plain colored pants/shorts. Not the same color of course, the poor boy is not in prison or anything. But I like a plain grey polo with red shorts and of course Keds. I love Keds on Dennis. Not all my friends put their kids in Keds and at first I think I was a little self conscience that they would think differently of me for him wearing them but I quickly realized that was sooooo high school. We are adults now! Through Dennis's wardrobe choices that I make I have learned something about myself, I like the same things. I do not have the ability to find a cute shirt and throw a cute jacket with it and look trendy and unique. Nope, I go to Ann Taylor loft, Gap or Old Navy, look at the catalog or manikins and then buy the same outfit. That is as creative as I get! That is a lesson that I have learned about myself only recently. Or maybe I always knew it but I just never stopped to realize it!

I have also realized that having a child has opened up my eyes to so much. I am a tomboy at heart and God blessed us with an adventurous little boy! Jennifer Aniston is my partner in crime as we explore all the fun things about our city to do that are not your ordinary typical fun things! I have learned so much about myself. I have learned to stray from the norm is ok!

I have also learned that true friendship is unmistakable and uncompromisable. I have learned that old college friends still make me smile and can give you advice on pretty much anything. I have learned that Michael and I and sometimes need to experience things in order to learn our lesson. Sometimes you make think the gigantic mansion is what you want or need but maybe you just need to be close to others. Maybe on the surface something appears so right but deep down you know where your heart is. We have learned that this year and I am perfectly okay with admitting that!

I have learned to be myself! Who cares if I am madly in love with Michael Buble, who cares if I prefer to shop at Old Navy instead of Christian Dior and who cares if I think Dennis's hair is perfectly cute and white and maybe even would look good longer rather than the short spikey. Yes folks, I have learned what is "me" and now I can move on. The little dirty secrets are out of the closet. I encourage you to air yours, come on my fabulous friends!!! Sure this will end up as an expose on True Hollywood Stories but better told by me than Guiliana Ransic!

What a reflective post on this rainy Tuesday. As I sign-off let me tell you that right now as I type I am loving the Lady Antebellum song..Need You Now! Love it!

A Rubber Mat and Free Weights

2009-10-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

A rubber mat and free weights.................these are a few of my favorite friends. At least for the next 90 days they will be. That is right ladies, yours truly has started the fad weight loss program of the moment, P90X. So far so good. I like it. Yes I do look like a complete fool attempting to follow the Adonis type guy working out in the videos and yes I have fallen completely on my face while attempting to contort my body in ways that, well, you know! But so far I do feel little muscles on the verge of making themselves known! Let's be honest, I am so sore I move like an 80 year old woman on a good day!

Michael and I are taking a little trip to a foreign country for a little beach action in December and therefore Operation Transformation has begun. The true name of the operation is Operation Transform Lynettte from a Fat Ass into Wonder Woman. I aspire to look like my fabulous friends and therefore for the sake of all things sacred, I have given up all yummy goodness for the next 90 days. Should we put it in simple terms for you....I didn't even eat a funnel cake at the fair this past weekend. Yes, I know, total sacrifice on my part.

I will track my progress here because after all, we all know it will be blasted on Page Six and US Weekly every week. I am okay with it because let's be honest, it is good pub, however I refuse to be put on the same page as the tragic Kristi Alley weight saga stories. I am willing to be put in the same category as Valeri Bertanelli. But come on, don't we all know the dirty little secret of that deal, she HAD to have had plastic surgery. I mean no way she looks like that. Me on the other hand, of COURSE I will look hotter!

I refuse to tell you my "before" weight because after all, a true lady never reveals her weight. Through my pregnancy with Dennis, I was sad to realize that Michael thought all ladies weighed 100 pounds and the shock and horror on his face when he realized I in fact weighed more that that! Darn that electric scale!! I will tell you that I have a good 10-15 pounds that I am aiming to lose! There is plenty of incentive in this deal for me but I will let you in on my personal reward to myself! I am afraid to even admit it but I am going to tell you my dirty little secret right now......

DRUM ROLL PLEASE...........I have never owned a pair of jeans that have cost more than $40. Ahhhhh I am so embarrassed. I think I am the last person in Hollywood that has not owned a pair of fit you perfect, look amazing, designer jeans. Yes plaster me on the pages of WHAT NOT TO WEAR but I am being brutally honest with you. So there is the incentive, yours truly is turning a year older in about a week and therefore I plan to use a little birthday money from the grandparents on a brand new spanking pair of designer jeans.....once I am done with P90X! Oh please let me lose the weight so I can buy them!!!! :)

Stay tuned!

The Fair!

2009-10-11T13:38:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Michael took a break from promoting what I call the best CD in history! We took the opportunity to do a wholesome family activity! Go to the state fair! We may nosh on caviar and kobe beef most of the time but why not take time out and indulge in some fine cuisine such as fried honey buns, corny dogs and the all time favorite, fried butter! No lie kids, this is a real menu option!

Dwight and his adorable Mouseketeers joined us! Let's talk about Dwight for a moment. As I mentioned earlier, Dwight is preparing for an experiment. A life experiment if you will. He has been through some pretty tough stuff (even by Hollywood standards) this past year and I think he has a few things, emotions maybe, that he needs to get out of his system. A mid life crisis of sorts brought on by circumstance! Single ladies, watch out! Dwight's plan is in formulation and will be chronicled by yours truly!

I did admire him yesterday! Here I am always thinking how hard I have it being married to a hottie hot singer who travels each week. Raising the toddler by myself is mentally and physically exhausting. But then you have Dwight, he only gets to see his two Mouseketeers every other week, has a crazy demanding job and did not chose any of this! He was the stand up guy that every girl wants there husband to be. The one who wants to make it work, the one who wants to put the time in. But for Dwight that was not in the cards this time. He pushed one Mouseketeer in a stroller, carried one on his shoulders, took both girls to the restroom at a moments notice, bought and carried multiple fair prizes, chased both girls, carried one girl, held the other girls hand, used multiple bottles of hand sanitizer, carried a backpack full of necessities and did not complain or look stressed out one time. Yep, it taught me a lesson. You choose your outlook.

Dwight was just happy to have his girls for the weekend. Happy to be soaking in all the fair smells (some good, some....not so good!), happy to buy them donuts and chocolate milk only to have them spill it all over the backseat! Yes, I learned that hug Michael a little tighter before he leaves, I will keep my mouth shut when every single thing he does some days bothers me and I will stop and breath before I get frustrated with Dennis. Because I chose this and because of that it is all just fine!

Here is Hollywood it is so easy to get caught up in the rat race. I do it. I must attend all the gallery openings, all the premiers and of course I must always look stellar. I think what is nice is that every once in awhile, things seem to fall back into place. A little light is shed in the for of perspective! I needed it! Thanks Dwight!

CRAZY LOVE!!!

2009-10-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

Can we all say it together- CRAZY LOVE!

That's right ladies, Michael's new CD dropped today. Wow look at me with all that music lingo! Be still my beating heart, I just love this new CD and proud of my super hubby! I just watched him on our good friend, Oprah's show! I am biased but he did AMAZING! Oprah is such a doll, we so enjoyed having dinner with her last night at Uno's Chicago Pizza! At first I was a bit miffed that she picked such a place, I mean for goodness sakes they had red checked table cloths! The horror of having to eat a pizza picnic for dinner. However, I chose not to express my distaste to Oprah for fear that she might throw her latest book club selection at my head! Have you seen the thickness of that thing, that would put a major dent in the old head!

I really must get organized. I have been totally consumed with Dennis's big two year old birthday bash and fall festivities. With Michael out on tour now promoting this little gem of a CD, we have decided to make a change in Dennis's school. Yes we are of course those crazy indecisive Hollywood parents! You know we recently moved to a much larger much more spacious mansion and therefore chose a school that was closer and out of the way of the paparazi. Well here is a lesson learned, trust your instincts ladies! Its kind of like when you have the choice between the salon hair bleach and the garnier fructise in the grocery store! You know the answer. Need I have my dear friend Jessica Simpson explain the rest for you? That's what I thought! So needless to say Dennis is heading back to the creme de la creme. Life will be restored to normal!

I have so much to tell you and so little time. Where to start....I can't even recall all the fabulous things that have been going on here in Hollywood. Dennis and I did take a little jaunt down to the Big Easy last weekend to visit Monica and Chandler while Michael was out promoting! OKAY! What in the world, New Orleans is NOTHING like the movies, no cute little bands playing with wonderful cajun food and cute french/canjun accents. NOPE, it is a stinky smelly swamp! However Monica and Chandler live in a fabulous chataeu out in the country, wonderful little gem!

Well fans, it is date night for Michael and I therefore I must sign off early tonight. I will fill you in later!

The Project

2009-09-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

Hello loyal readers,

I must apologize for my lack of consistent posts. Go ahead, smear my name in the tabloids if you want. I just have so many fabulous projects going on right now not to mention a little birthday planning that it has been hard to delight with you with my wonderful tales!

So today I am at my day job, crunching some numbers, doing my thing and a project has popped up. I work with mostly males and therefore it is never a dull moment around here. Dwight as I have mentioned before is newly divorced. It is funny in this age of being married for several years to hear tales from the dating scene. We did not text back in the day when Michael was seducing me with his wonderful melodies! Texting is the new form of dating. Texting is a girl's nightmare. You totally could analyze a text for four hours and all the text has to say is "hey what are you up to".....Oh the agony....what does that mean.

Come one ladies..we all know the analysis would go a little something like this....well he said hey is that better than hi or nothing at all??? And then he said what are you up to....do you think that means I want to hang out with you, what are you up to (just doing laundry) or is it simply the obligatory text to say hey I contacted you but that is as far as the contact goes... Plus you can't even tell tone of voice or voice inflection! Oh thank goodness I am not involved in this craziness!!!!

So Dwight is going to embark on a little project. For one year he is going to live his life the way he would never live it before. No contributions to the 401k, sell the house- rent in a fancy high rise, put the furniture in storage- have a fancy firm pimp out his high rise pad. Keep the Tahoe- buy a Mercedes. He is going to live it to the fullest for one year. I am interested in this venture for many reasons. One, I am going to document this adventure via a blog or website (loyal readers get excited) and two I am ready to welcome Dwight into the world of fabulousness!!!! Ladies, a new single man in our inner circle....watch out world!

I would also like to welcome Lucy and Ricky Ricardo to the cast...The are parents to Mouseketeer E and are welcomed with open arms into our fabulous life!

Splashing

2009-09-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

Hello long lost readers....have you missed me terribly? I must apologize, I have been pre-occupied with so many fabulous things! I am not sure where to even begin!

Jessica and Nick welcomed Baby E into the world a few weeks ago! Baby E was quite early and although she interrupted Jessica and I's fabulously anticipated shopping excursion, the interruption was completely worth it because she is just a doll! Such a precious sweet little thing! Congrats to the Lachey/Simpson clan! We look forward to seeing you on the cover of People in a few weeks for Baby E's debut photo shoot!

Monica and Chandler came up for a visit last weekend. Poor Monica, her assignment overseas with Chandler's job is just dreadful. First of all, her hair has surpassed the fizzy stage and now just resembles a matted down poodle. And not to mention that language they speak, terribly embarrassing. I sure do hope Chandler gets his TPN reports done so that he can move up!!! We miss you Mon Mon!

So Dennis and I have been fabulously busy and although I would love to detail out all of our excursions in this post.........well that would be boring let's be honest, this blog is not about boring!! We did however have a wonderful outing with our famous friends today that is definitely worth mentioning. Contrary to popular belief I am a tomboy at heart. Monica and Carrie can attest to my younger years and well let's face it ladies, having a boy is perfect for me! And PS Carrie and Monica, don't you dare comment that I wore flannel shirts and Polo boots, news flash....everyone wore those so its not funny! hmm

So today we met at these fabulous mini mansions in the northern part of town. Luckily Jennifer Aniston and Mouseketeer P graciously allowed us to hang out at their manor in between private soccer lessons with David Beckham and the mini mansion tour. Jennifer and I noshed on RAW buelo (granola for those of you who do not speak multiple languages such as my son) bars and Vos water. Jennifer is fabulously organized and I love getting ideas for organization to pass onto Rosie. Sorry sometimes my random thoughts just spill onto the paper in no particular order!

Sorry I am digressing! Back to the playdate...we appear to be in the middle of monsoon season here and today's weather was well..........not good for the hair! But being the tomboy that I am, I braved this weather for the sake of my child (please feel free to use that comment in US weekly's "Stars Are Just Like Us" segment). There were ginormous puddles completely covering the mini mansion red carpet area and being the crazy Mouseketeers that our children are....they not only jumped, ran, splashed through them but they sat right in all the puddles! FABULOUS! It was one of those moments where you just have to sit back and laugh! Four little boys having the time of their lives splashing in puddles on a rainy day. They were in hog heaven and at that moment I seemed to have some sort of an epiphany.

In this age of what some of us like to call manufactured fun, sometimes its all in the simple things! Some of the best memories I have are from days spent being a tomboy on my grandparents farm, playing outside for hours and creating our own fun. My vow to Dennis from now on is to think fabulously "out of the box". I mean everyone rents the Kentucky Derby for their children's birthday party so they can ride horses but I want to think differently! I want to find the hidden gems in our little city. Places free of paparazi, free of autograph seekers and most importantly places where Dennis and his friends will remember that their fabulous moms provided them with life experiences that will shape them into the kind of men their fathers are today!

I mean after all, today we drug four soaking wet, smelly boys into Pink Berry and roughed it all for the sake of some yummy treats. I won't lie, I probably enjoyed the cold treats more than Dennis but hey, one day he will thank me for this!

Thank you fabulous friends for a great afternoon! I am so excited for the wonderful excursions that the fall holds.........Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin anyone?

Stay tuned.....

L + MB = 5 Yrs

2009-09-04T07:19:00.001-07:00

Five years ago today, Michael and I were married out on the golf course. The same golf course that I spent countless hours playing during my teenage years. The same golf course that holds many many golf memories for me but now the memories take on new meaning. We were married over looking the 18th green. The same island green in which I made my first birdie. The same island green which I hit probably 100 balls into the water. But now that island green signifies the beginning of our marriage, the beginning of our family and the start to a lifetime of memories. I could not have asked for a more perfect setting for our wedding and every year at this time I am reminded of just how perfect and perhaps symbolic that setting was.

Last night while feeling nostalgic, I went to my college golf website. I don't know why but I still get a kick out of seeing my name as a letter winner in the media guide. I never appreciated that when I was actually in college but now I feel a real sense of accomplishment. I was instantly transformed back to those college golf days. After all that is how I met Michael! I bet you guys did not know that Lynette was a college golfer or that Michael and I met through golf. Well we did! Even superstars have humble beginnings! Life is funny because as I was reading through the golf website, I was ordering Dennis's second birthday invitations. My how life has changed and grown!

And here we are today, Michael and I married for five years. We have owned three different houses, lived in two different states, added one little rugrat to our family and have countless memories! I look forward to 80 more years together! I mean who wouldn't........he is Michael Buble of course!

What do you think?

2009-09-02T20:22:00.000-07:00

Just a quickie tonight! The old computer is about to die! But what do you think....do you just love Michael's new song! Hmmmmm....old boy did do good this time!

I must tell you about the gigantic Christmas party that is in the planning phase! Ladies get your outfits ready, this will be "THE" event to attend this holiday season!

My fabulous friends have been incredibly generous to donate their time and well let's be honest, their money! Charlotte has offered up Trey's services to build a life size manger and stable in our front yard. Good thing he already went to Lowe's and he started tonight. I feel bad having him work out there all night but really, I mean I certainly hope he doesn't expect me to help. I do not stoop to manual labor, especially to build a stable. But yea Trey, good job buddy!

Teresa has offered to book the most wonderful Santa in the world and she even threw in flying reindeer! You are such a peach T! The Mouseketeers will really not know what hit them!

My most favorite part is that we are all going to go caroling, led by Michael no doubt! The best part.........we will ride around on donkeys to each house. I know donkeys do sound yucky and dirty but all for good fun in the Christmas spirit.

Who says Sept. is to early too plan a party! When you have fabulous friends, you have to start early!!!!

Stay tuned.....

Just Stopping By!

2009-08-31T20:10:00.001-07:00

Hello,

I am just stopping by tonight to tell everyone good night and that I am off to get some much needed beauty rest! Dennis has his ultra private, ultra exclusive preschool starting tomorrow and I must be dressed to the nines for this one! I, of course, thought about having Rosie just take him since that is the appropriate thing to do however since it is the first day I must make the annual appearance! I just hope those darns paparazi do not catch me at a weird angle. I saw a picture of myself on People.com yesterday, ugh- horrible- shoulders shurgged and from that weird side angle that shows way too much face! I wasn't even sucking in my cheeks like I normally do, terrible!

So Michael's newest single came out today....LOVE IT LADIES! I have played it hmmmmm 100 times already!

Do you ever stick your foot in your mouth? I am Queen Bee of that one! You name it, I have probably done it! I am just not one of those quick on your feet, sharp on your toes kind of woman! Nope I am impulsive, not thinking everything through, say the wrong thing at the wrong time kind of person. Many times I just want to slam my hands over my mouth in horror after I say something but usually it is to late!

Well I did it again, this one makes me laugh every time I think about it. It was harmless but none the less, stupid on my part. No need to go into specifics because I would hate for my fabulous friends to be blasted in the morning on TMZ or Page Six but let's just say that I asked a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend (yep, that far removed) if she knew one of my old friends. I had been playing Sherlock Holmes and suddenly discovered that I was smack dab in the middle of a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game. To my surprise I was only about four degrees from an old friend! After completely making a fool of myself I discovered that, nope, in fact one of those degrees divorced the other and there I was.......left hanging on the fourth degree with egg on my face. hmmmmmm real good for the old image! Never fear, I had the right mind to drag Kelly Ripa and Charlotte into my charade with me! Always need a few wing men, right!!!

Anyway....the morale of this story....do your research before you think the world is smaller than it really is!

Now go to bed.....stay tuned...Michael's CD comes out Oct. 9- my birthday is ten days after that....I'm just sayin............

Cameo Blogger- Monica!

2009-08-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

Hey Fabulous Readers....We are starting a new little feature here in Hollywood called Cameo Blogger- it will allow some of my fabulous friends (either by volunteering or threats) to tell you some of their fabulous stories. We are thrilled to have on the Hollywood blog tonight, making her Hollywood debut.........................

Monica!!! (also a little side note- please leave a little comment if you read this blog, I am high maintenance and need to know that I have 1000s of readers everyday!)

Hi everyone, Monica here! I am sister to Lynette and Carrie and married to Chandler. Lynette and I always laugh and chatter about all the hottest gossip and goings on in our fabulous lives, so she thought it would be funny to allow me to take the reins for a second to share some fabulous stories about mine and Chandler’s adventures overseas!

See, we moved to a foreign country for Chandler’s job and it has been quite interesting to say the least! One of the more difficult things for us is finding fabulous friends to hang out with. There are not many famous people here and it has been hard to make new friends. So, we take ‘em where we can get ‘em!

This past weekend, Chandler’s co-worker, Bud Boudreaux and his wife, Cami Jeaux, invited us along with Bobby Thibodeaux and his wife Margeaux over to their house for dinner. Side note: Do not waste your time Googling these people—they are not famous. At all.

So after a few hours of cleaning our awesome new house, I get on Google maps to get directions to the Boudreaux’s house. You know Monica, I love to be prepared and organized! And lo and behold here is what it says at the bottom of the directions:

· Exit Bogulusa Highway
· Continue on Picayune Lane for 20 miles
· Turn left on Unknown Street
· Swim south-southwest for 3.2 miles

Excuse me? Come again? Swim? Where the heck do these people live?! I immediately start hyperventilating because I cannot imagine how we are going to get there without being late! Chandler comes to my rescue with a paper bag and we are back on track, people. Back on track! Chandler explains that we are going to have to take a fan boat to get to their house. A fan boat? Is that like a yacht where cabana boys fan you whilst you cruise the Mediterranean?

Well, let me just tell you…it ISN’T! If anyone tells you to go on one of those, run. Fast.

We finally arrive at the Boudreaux’s house and despite my frizzy hair (I can’t tell you how much I spend on expensive treatments to stop the friz!!!) we look fabulous! Bud thanks us for bringing the “Dom Per-rig-non” and comments that we must have gotten it at Rouse’s and not Piggly Wiggly. Smile and nod, smile and nod. Cami Jeaux says that if she had known that we would be dressing up (Really? This is my normal attire) she would have taken a shower. Smile and nod, smile and nod.

The evening turned out to be lovely. Everyone was very nice, albeit quiet. I guess they have not had media training like Chandler and I and don’t quite know how to properly converse with fabulous people?! Oh well!

Friends are friends, right?

Big Day Ladies!!

2009-08-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

Wow! Big day today ladies! My sweet husband has just announced that his new record will drop October 13! Ladies that is absolute perfect timing for a little someone's birthday! I am just saying.....................ha!

Well with this big news completely consuming my whole morning I have just not gotten one thing done around here! Dennis is recovering nicely from the double ear infection that we discovered last week! Whew! What a doozy that was to deal with! It was as if Sigorney Weaver and her alien friends invaded his body! I was so desperate to help my poor little guy that I almost called Tom Cruise to come perform a little Scientology on him to get those aliens out! Luckily our friend Mr. Medicine worked just fine and the emergency call to Mr. Cruise was aborted!

Needless to say our social calendar was wiped clean due to Dennis's ailment. Michael and I were stuck inside all weekend and quite honestly going crazy! I am not a homebody what so ever! Michael and I like to be on the go, which is probably why we are so popular in the first place!

Anyway..........I am soooo ready for fall to start. Summer has literally fried me! Literally, think Magda from Something About Mary, that is what I feel like! I am ready for fall TV shows, fall colors, fabulous fall parties, pumpkins, dressing the Mouseketeers up and of course football! What will the fall TV line up hold in store for us? I have been beggin my fabulous friends to clue me in but so far, I have nothing for you! What shows will be on and what will happen! Why in the world would I wait like commoners to find out!

Speaking of commoners, I do find it attractive when they use your name when speaking to you, kind of like "Bye Lynette" instead of just "Bye". It just adds a personal touch that I think I deserve and I for sure know all my fabulous friends deserve. Try it- when you talk to someone, try to fit their name into the conversation, it really does add a lot!

Look at me doling out advice to you! Maybe I should have Dr. Ruth be a guest writer on this blog. You know I know her, duh! speaking of.....would anyone like to be a guest author? I am completely willing to allow guests to write provided two things: 1) you are fabulous and 2) I actually know you!

Come on ladies (and men if you read) lets get the good stuff. Monica I know you are dying to share your frizzy hair escapades!

Stay tuned......

Stuck in the Mansion!

2009-08-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

We are sick! Wait let me correct that, Dennis is sick! It appears to be a virus, you know fever, runny nose, the whole bit! I thought about calling Dr. Oz (he is a close and personal friend) however the helicopter is out of commission today and I don't feel like driving all the way down to Dr. Oz's office! Luckily we live next door to Dr. Rey and I saw him outside this morning getting his paper (he was wearing his sleeveless scrubs and carrying a dumbell in each hand of course) and he said even though he is technically not a real doctor (he apparently just likes to comment on women's chests on TV) he would be glad to check Dennis out. Ummm we passed on that one, but thanks Dr. Rey, why don't you go feed your wife some food she is blowing away!

Ugh sorry, I am usually not that tacky, I think cabin fever is setting in! They are building a new mansion across the street so the massive concrete trucks have kept Dennis occupied all morning! That of course and that crazy annoying purple dinosaur!

We went to Mouseketeer P's birthday a few days ago. Jennifer Aniston (his madre) felt like a small affair would best suit Master P and therefore instead of having the entire Texas A&M Army band come play she opted for the local ROTC to come entertain the Mouseketeers. I honestly did not even know what ROTC was, I thought it was just somewhere commoners went to play Army but, they were actually good! She also had parachute men fly in and even had Strike Fighters do a fly over! It was truly amazing to be honest and let me tell you my fabulous friends are hard to impress. Unfortunately I had a few photo shoots so our driver had to pick Dennis and I up a little early!

With all these birthday parties, I have had to go into over drive to plan Dennis's party! Can you believe he is almost two! CRAZY! Shall I give you a hint as to what the festivities will be??? Well just know that you will need to bring your hat and whistle! It will be a chugging good time!

This weekend looks to be pretty low key around here. Going to do some shopping for school clothes. I was a little annoyed that Dennis was not chosen to model in the latest issue of People the new school trends, I saw that some of the other housewives children were chosen. I am trying to prevent this from happening next year therefore Dennis has started spray tanning (they even were able to create a six pack) and will be sporting pancake foundation from now on!

Final thought of the day, Michael (who was actually home last night) and I watched the Real Housewives of Atlanta last night, those girls are INSANE! Totally fake and all they do is scream. I am just so thankful none of my fabulous friends associate themselves with those bobble heads!

Off to tell the chef it is lunchtime! Stay tuned....

Happy Birthday Monica!!!

2009-08-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Sweet Monica! We love you for your crazy frizzy hair, for your amazing cooking, for your crazy cleaning fedish, for marrying Chandler and of course Dennis absolutely adores his sweet Aunt Mon Mon!!!

Now get your self down here so we can celebrate in a fabulous way! See you in two weeks darling!

Back from the Hamptons

2009-08-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

Hola Chicas! I am back from hiatus so to speak! Shocking as it may sound, I do have a little day job and sometimes that darn thing creeps up and takes way more of my time than I would expect! I also have these darn continuing education requirements that are due in a month and I have procrastinated beyond belief! I do not consider myself an intelligent person by any means but somehow long ago in a far away land I passed the CPA exam and would you know that, I actually dabble in a little CPA type work every now and then. Anyway, that was probably crazy boring, shall we proceed onto the good stuff! Let's go!

I really don't even know where to begin! These past few weeks have just been crazy! Our social schedule has just been busting at the seems! Bree hosted a fabulous party for Mouseketeer H a few days ago! In true Bree fashion she went all out! She rented the American Airlines Center and hired former Olympic gymnasts to host a gymnastics themed party! Brilliant! Dennis was in true heaven and I think given his short stature, there might be a little gymnastics in him! Of course Bree served wonderful champagne cheddar mini pizzas and TO.DIE.FOR Chocolate Bundt Cakes flaked with gold leaf. Teresa and her brood were there which always calls for dishing about the latest in toddler gossip! Would you believe that Mouseketeer L has not had a haircut in two weeks, oh Teresa darling, let me send you my girls number! We would hate for Mousketeer L to be dubbed the next Ryder Robinson (you know, Kate Hudson's long haired off-spring)!

We also have made a few stops over to Jessica Simpson's new house! Lovely little abode she has, but as I mentioned before it is ultra modern and it appears Nick just is not helping Jessica decorate! Would you believe that Nick was so enamored with his favorite Napa Valley grape beverage that he decided to install the Beringer Chardonnay cork floors in there living room! NOPE NOT KIDDING! Can you imagine the cost! I hate to talk about my friends behind their back but Jessica honey, we should really talk to Nick about this one, that is just an over the top expense that honestly I am not sure if his 98 Degrees record sales can support! He might have to go back to wearing overalls and going shirtless after this expense! But let's be positive, there is always a party at the Lachey-Simpson house!

And what week would be complete without a play date hosted by Charlotte! She is the resident party planner after all and she threw a giant bash last night! She had Cirque De Soliel equipment installed in her extra penthouse and we just let the toddlers run wild! It was so nice to be able to chat and of course take a 100 pictures with our amazing cameras! Charlotte is thinking about giving a class on how to use these "Mommy only" cameras for all of us non-paparazzi people out there! Could you imagine that when the paps are snapping your picture, you whip around and start snapping theirs? Its like prey turning on their attacker! LOVE IT!

I could go on and on and list all of my fabulous friends that were in attendance last night but honestly we would not want to make the less fortunate (you know the commoners that were not invited) jealous. We did miss Kelly Ripa who is still recovering from having Baby J a few days ago but luckily her mother, Kathy Lee Gifford (I know who would have thought!) brought Mouseketeer R to let him run around and socialize with his inner circle!

One final little thought I have today! Dennis decided to wake up multiple times last night and of course Michael is out on tour so needless to say Lynette is looking a little shabby this morning! A little bags under the eyes, a little disastrous hair and of course I have inserted my coffee IV! Therefore this morning I decided to turn on that crazy annoying purple dinosaur for Dennis while Mommy got a little shut eye! I, of course, never fell completely asleep (who could with Dennis sticking his fingers in my eyes and ears half the time) but I did lay there with my eyes closed listening to that annoying show. As I listened I made some general observations about this dino and I thought I would share them with you because in my opinion they could be applied to our lives!

Number 1- It is perfectly acceptable to break into song whenever you feel like it. That's right you could simply be asking your butler to please pass you the salt and it is completely acceptable to right then and there start singing (cue annoying piano music) "We're talking about please and thank you, they are the magic words, they both go together, we love to use these words......" BLAH! Try it next time you are dining at NOBU for example, let me know how it works for you!

Number 2- It is completely acceptable to talk in high pitched overly cheesy voices in regular conversation. I, of course, try to always practice this rule! I especially try to use this at Starbucks or any type of drive thru......it really increases the customer service you receive!!!

Finally, Number 3- when dressing your Mouseketeer try and always dress them as dorky as you could possibly imagine. Apparently that is the new "in" thing! I am saying, black socks with loafers and green and blue plaid shorts is completely in style! Or how about denim jorts with a faded polo and a braided leather belt! Accessorized of course with bobby socks and loafers! I wonder if I could pick up some of these frocks during tax free weekend this weekend! Just a thought!!!

All right fun and fabulous friends, duty calls, press tour in about half an hour! Cast of Characters post for sure coming soon! I know that some of you would like a little more bio info on my fabulous friends! I know! I know! I hear ya, I am working on it!

Stay tuned.....

Another Mouseketeer!

2009-08-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

Congratulations are in order!!! Kelly Ripa and Mark (apparently she preferred Mark over Regis!) had a new Mouseketeer this morning! Welcome to the Micky Mouse Club Baby J! He is a cutie and I can't wait to go meet him tomorrow! Ugh why does this always give me baby fever! My fabulous friends are popping them out faster than I can buy adorable monogrammed gifts! Seriously, it is in the water! Michael and I are not quite ready but once his tour ends this fall, watch out ladies, do not call us in the evenings! HA!

Speaking of the fall....the fall can not get here quick enough! I am burned out on summer! Literally these temperatures over 100 every single day have fried me! I am over the country club pool, I am over cabana boys parading past me in with their hottie little bods, I am over spraying myself every five minutes with Evian spritzer and I am especially over climbing up the Chick Fil A playground! (Yes shocker, I do love me some Chick Fil A). Dennis and Mouseketeer T owe me! I retrieved them, oh let's see.....about 500 times today! Done! Done! And Done!

This fall I am thinking of venturing into a little business venture (is that cool to use the same word conjugated differently twice in the same sentence? I think so!). It is all preliminary of course, I would not dare disclose the top secret details on this little blog! But just know that it is BIG! HUGE! Of course would you expect anything less from my fabulous friends and I? I think NOT!
Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson have been in discussions! We will clue Kelly and a few others in as well once things are a bit more finalized! I would hate for this info to reach to tabloids. They might leak it as something horrific such as: Jessica Simpson to be the New Face of Garnier Fructis! Oh the horror! Could you imagine actually using, much less endorsing, a drug store brand of products! It would be like putting scented dish water on your body! ECK!!!!

I am still working on the Cast post! I have boot camp tonight and then plan to post after that. I must stick with my workout regimen. With the new fall tv schedule around the corner I must shed those extra ten pounds!

Stay tuned.....

Lunching in Clothes

2009-08-06T11:34:00.000-07:00

I am a sophisticated lady. I took cotillion, I ride in limos and I certainly always refer to offspring by the word children (only commoners use the word kids). I am Lynette, married to Michael "hottie hot" Buble and mother to Dennis the Menace. All that being said, oh today was such an interesting lunch.

As you know Lynette (is it cool that I refer to myself in the third person?) works part time at The Office. That's right, Michael Scott (Steve Carell) is my boss! He is a funny overly generous boss. I am seriously INCREDIBLY lucky to work for him. But let's not get all sappy now....we aren't about that in this blog! Let's get to the good stuff. Dwight K. Schrute is our sales manager. He is a hilarious single guy who looks more like a talk Bruce Willis (but not to be confused with my dad) than the actual Dwight. So Dwight and I were chillin, I mean working, at the office today and decided all this hard work warranted some fabulous food. I was thinking maybe a little Tavern on the Green, Zodiac Room or The Ivy. Did we go anywhere even remotely close to that..............um NO!

We went to a fine establishment I like to call Women Wearing Zero Clothes! Yep we drove into WWZC and I could tell that my Ann Taylor loft sweater set was just not going to be fitting in too much with the rest of the crowd! Dwight owes me for this one! BIG TIME! Dwight is a single guy, obviously looking for a highly classy woman. Single ladies..........please help a dude out, come one! Why am I subjected to the WWZC! I had to order with my head practically shoved in my menu! I didn't dare ask for more Diet Coke, I might have I mean I was looking damn hot but compared to these women wearing string bikinis and high heels, I might as well have been wearing a burlap potato sack!

And can we just talk about stomach or back hip tattoos? Really those are going to look mighty fine when those girls are pregnant! I mean look at me being the practical one. Do you really want a gigantic butterfly stretched from a cute little 6 inch ditty to a butterfly on steroids covering half of your stretched pregnant stomach. Do you think you could ask your doctor to make sure she cuts around the wings when she does a c-section or else your butterfly might be left wingless? I mean come on classy women do not act that way! Just get some plastic surgery or botox like I do.........end result is much nicer!

Ugh, I need a shower, I swear every man in this joint was staring and/or drooling beyond belief! I thought of course it might have been because of my sweater set but clearly that was not the reason. Ladies, please do not let your husbands frequent this joint, paparazzi is everywhere and we certainly would not want our good names drug through the mud!

Yo Peeps What's Up!

2009-08-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

Hey! Lynette here! Okay so a little administrative info to get out of the way. First of all, if you comment anonymous please sign your name at the end so I know who it is. Also if you wish to comment as your name you just select the name/url selection and you can pick your name! Second of all, I am working on the cast of characters post- patience my friends, a wise man once said if you are important enough people will wait for you therefore I expect that you will be waiting!!!

Also my sister Monica (who is married to Chandler) mentioned to me that some of you may not understand my writing style. I basically write with the same cadence that I speak. I have a bit of what I like to call social awkwardness to me (maybe you would call it shyness) and therefore sometimes I am not able to have my words flow properly! Bare with me! I am going to try to punctuate properly as to give the full effect....so that you think I am the best writer ever! ha! (okay I know I am!)

Alright so let's talk about the Mother in Laws....we all have them, we all love them, we all have stories! My fabulous friends are no exception. I mean for real we have some crazy stories! And the irony of this all???? WE ALL HAVE BOYS! We will all become crazy mother in laws! Ahhh I can just picture Jessica Simpson bossing around her daughter in law telling her that she should only buy buffalo wings because they come from organic buffalos (who do actually have wings amazingly!).

So I know you are on the edge of your seat wanting to know these stories! Should I start with one of my own? It's honestly a classic. I think it might make the Mother in Law Hall of Fame (let's just call it MIL HOF from now on!). So my MIL (Ellie Mae Clampett if you must know) is a thrifty one! She takes the term to a WHOLE NEW level! So one night we were enjoying a fine EMC (initials) meal of mashed potatoes and I think hmmmm these mashed potatoes taste awfully sweet, mmm kind of sugary. EMC kindly chimes in and says oh they are sweet because I used milk from Jed's left over cereal this morning. WHAT!?!?!?!! Oh yeah you have that right, EMC takes the milk left over from the morning cereal, gently pours it through a strainer straight back into the milk jug. Mmmmm YUMMY! WHAT?!?!?!!? I still am spinning!

Okay not funny enough? What about Teresa's MIL that so kindly wants to deep clean the house prior to Mousketeer #2's arrival with a tooth brush! Or what about Katie Couric's (my dear college friend who recently scandalously had a baby- it was very hush hush) MIL that bought her a sewing machine, sewing table and an old school Kaboodle (oh how I LOVED ME a Kaboodle) full of sewing paraphernalia and actually expected Katie Couric to sew herself a little frock. Yeah Right! What is the deal with MIL? Are they programmed to be exactly opposite of you?

Kelly Ripa's MIL is a huge garage sale shopper. She buys anything and everything at the morning sales. Bright and early, fanny pack attached she is set to go! So since Kelly and Regis are about to have Mouseketeer # 2 (I know seriously something is in the water with my friends- babies everywhere), MIL decided to shop for Mouseketeer R. She was so excited when she brought home some Thomas the Train undies. REALLY???? Is it normal to buy used underwear at a garage sale? I mean we live in Hollywood, can't we afford that? Hmmmm bizarrre.

MIL stories just crack me up! I have heard multiple MIL stories about cooking recipes- why are all of them chalked full of fat and have ZERO nutritional value. Let's take for instance green beans- if you cook them in bacon fat on the stove for 6 hours, there is zero, nutritional vegetable value! ZERO! but whatever!

So anyway, please share your MIL stories. I know you have them! Its all in fun! We all know our MIL's don't like us! After all we married their babies, we are the women in their lives. I don't know how I will feel about Dennis's future wife!

Just Another Weekend in Hollywood

2009-08-02T18:47:00.000-07:00

Alright, alright, alright....how was your weekend? Hit up Rodeo Drive? Sip champagne in the Hamptons? Check out the Target Sales? Yea!! Well here is a little recap of our wild one!

Michael had a few concerts out west so Dennis and I were flying solo all weekend. Woohoo PARTEE! And that is exactly what we did- toddler style of course! Tamara (Housewives of OC) and adorable Mouseketeer C hosted a creme de la creme circus party! My friends, as fabulous as they are, totally have this party thing down. I am thinking of submitting these parties to MTV (think My Sweet Sixteen) for a little show. I mean seriously they are THE events to be seen at! Of course Lynnete and Dennis were looking mighty fine in their Old Navy digs! All the peeps were there: Charlotte, Ashley Olsen, Jessica Simpson (unfortunately no Nick), Teresa (one of Juicy Joey's biceps popped so he was not in attendance), Kelly Ripa (Mark was off putting more product in his hair so he was absent) and of course Tamara! There were a few other invitees in attendance however I am just assuming they were commoners and not famous because they actually drove themselves to the party and did not even pose on the red carpet. I thought about conversing with them but then I knew I would not understand that they actually have normal jobs so I decided to keep a safe distance with my sunglasses on as to not try to attract too much attention!

The party was just a smashing success. Mousketeer C had real life circus animals flown in from ummm well wherever circus animals live. Dennis was a huge fan of the elephant however it was unfortunate when the elephant trampled one of those kids. Why were the nannies not watching the kids- ugh- it is so hard to find good help these days. Surely they didn't expect the parent to be watching them, how else would we ever be able to socialize and gossip about a certain hotty hot gymnastics instructor! Anyway Tamara also had a ginormous bounce house and the unfortunate event from that little ditty was when Mouseketeers L and T thought it would be funny to bounce Teresa all around inside and the girl's poor MB gave way. Oh Teresa don't worry, I don't think it will make Page Six but if it does honey, any pub is good pub!

It was so great to catch up with the crew. Speaking of the crew, tomorrow I am going to write out a little cast of characters so to speak, so that you can always reference the bios of my fabulous friends and family! Speaking of friends, poor Jessica Simpson (yep got to say her whole name), her and Nick just sold the mansion (you know after it was featured on the show so much they just feel like they need privacy) and she is stressing because the house they are moving into was formerly owned by Brad and Angelina so it is ultra modern and has an interesting color scheme. It only has seven bathrooms though- HUGE downfall! How on earth would you function with just seven! And to top it off they are getting ready to add another little one to their brood (yes both Jessica and Kelly Ripa are about ready to pop out new Mouseketeers) and now they might actually have to use a bathroom more than one time a week. We never do that, as soon as one day is over Rosie must clean that bathroom before we would use it again in the next few weeks. How do commoners live, I really don't understand it!

The weekend party scene was a roaring success. I have realized that Dennis is very good for my appearances in the papers and mags. My Google hits have gone up exponentially since he has been inducted into society. Charlotte who is the group party and event planner has outlined the calendar for the next few weeks. Which is really helpful for me, I could not imagine having to actually plan my life! Luckily Rosie is here to pretty much do all the housewife chores around here and I have plenty of time to work out and look amazingly hot (wearing Ann Taylor Loft of course!). So that being said, look forward to lots of juicy stories to be coming, but please do not attempt to stalk us. We are just normal (not commoners) celebrities just trying to raise our kids. Stay tuned....

PS- I found a new way to comment-please only comment using your character name. And well if you don't have a character name-well to bad for you. I might add you as long as you are famous enough!

What is life like?

2009-07-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there are so many thoughts in my head I can not even sort them out straight. I think I will post about this no wait how about that.........ahhhh so much to say so little time. Lately I have been thinking a lot about "what if". That is so easy to do isn't it! You think you make the right choices in life but life throws you curve balls and you wonder well was that the right choice! I think what I have decided is the best thing to do is stay true to yourself. I mean it is easy to get caught up in the rat race of life- do you buy the Bentley or stick with the Volvo, do I wear Prada for the next photo shoot or Ann Taylor Loft, or how about this one do I go ahead and buy a first class ticket or just hope that I get upgraded and risk having to sit with the commoners! Ugh the agony! It really is stressing me out!

Which is why I am so glad today I had a nice relaxing luxurious day with J Lo and Ashley Olsen and their respective offspring. It was wonderful such a zen day at the CIRCUS! Yeah right are you kidding me! That place is like ADD on crack. Ugh mental and physical overload. But Dennis loved it so hey I once again sacrifice for my child because that's what moms do right! ha!

Michael jetted off to another gig once again! Why am I always left at home- does he really have hoes in different area codes (bad attempt at a rap song reference-ha!)? I have been so busy lately filling my days with activities for little Dennis and myself because we all know- one day at home is one too many but then again I never really have time to stop and smell the gold leave roses planted in the first four acres of my estate. Which is why I have all of a sudden fallen in love with this blog. I really do just love to write. Would you be sad if I quit acting? Would you miss me in the tabloids? Anonymity is wonderful on this blog. Sure a handful of you actually know what show I am on and I am sure many of you know my fabulously famous friends but on the whole I love having a forum to just write.

I have this wonderful unique life that is oh so interesting that I look forward to explaining as the events unfold. My friends have already met with my attorney and signed away their lives so we all know it is perfectly acceptable for me to use and abuse them in my posts! ha! As I figure out the 100% direction to take my writing, bear with me and please please provide feedback! That way I am not surprised about any lawsuits that might pop up in protest!

Well Rosie has just finished peeling my grapes and is about to start alphabetizing my spice rack. Better go speak to her in robot so I can make sure she understands me!

How Could I forget this one!!

2009-07-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

So I was talking to Monica this morning and reminded me of the BEST mispronunciation story EVER!!! P.S.- Monica hope you are okay with the hurricane- she said it was a crazy hurricane outside today but she hardly noticed because her hair was so frizzy she couldn't even see outside!

So my brother-in-law Chandler (Monica's husband) is totally Chandler- he is so cute- we love him, but sorry Chandler I must rat on you! Chandler works for Exxon Mobile and we really don't know what he does! I don't think he actually pumps gas because one time I asked him if he could go put gas in my car and he just looked at me! hmmmm

So Chandler is originally from Oklahoma. He is also an OU alumni just like the rest of my ENTIRE family! Good thing Dennis knows Hook Em Horns! He is a little Longhorn! SORRY I am way off subject, let's focus! Chandler was on his job interview dinner with Exxon! Let's set the tone, big stuffy dinner, lots of steak, lots of wine. They are all talking about how different words are pronounced differently in parts of the country, oil or ol, mirror or mirra, etc..... So one guy asks Chandler how they would prounce this word in Oklahoma- B U S I N E S S (he spells it for him). Chandler answers- BUS E NESS! That's right BUS E NESS! The funny part is that is Soooooooo something I would do! HILARIOUS!!!! He still go the job!!!

We love you Chandler!!!

What is your Movie?

2009-07-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

Don't you wish your live was like a movie. Of course I mean the romantic comedy kind, not the screaming bloody horrific kind! I always wanted my life to be like a movie. Maybe a "You've Got Mail" moment or "The Holiday" or even "One Fine Day". I just love romantic comedies and their endings. Of course I did marry Michael and that is a movie in and of its self! He sings all kinds of sweet little ditties to me all the time! haaaaaaaaaa

I am a HUGE day dreamer! HUGE! When I played golf in college I use to day dream that I would be on the cover of Sports Illustrated (of course I am meaning swim suit issue- have you seen my hottie bod at the pool this summer- the full length bathing suits in skirts are totally making a come back). I sit by the phone just waiting for the call- I just know it will come (does that make me crazy???). I have seriously day dreamed about everything and in doing so I often am disappointed when things don't happen like I pictured in my head!

I went to NY with Kelly Ripa and Jennifer Aniston (its okay that I call my friends by their full names, they are so popular that I have to!!) and I totally day dreamed that paparazzi was taking my picture but when I opened People the next week it was just Kelly and Jennifer, oddly I had been cropped out! Those damn editing programs!

Monday night I attended one of our society's most anticipated events- Charolette's Bachelorette Finale Party. Charolette is the the quint essential party planner and event planner! I mean would you expect anything less? While there we noshed on mini Kobe burgers, truffle Swiss dip with tofu sticks and personalized monogrammed Sprinkles cupcakes (PS- aforementioned companies you are welcome for the free plug- I look forward to receiving your monetary thank you in the mail). The Olsen twins were also in attendance. They look so much alike I can never tell them apart except when they have their kids with them. I think its cute that they still wear pigtails and dress alike just like when they were on Full House. I won't lie I was day dreaming at the proposals on the Bachelorette. Even if it is fake or whatever, its still cute and still pulls at my heartstrings (I hope Michael reads this to get ideas).

I think songs have the same effect. I literally started crying this morning listening to Michael's song Home on my way to daily hair appointment. The song has such true meaning for Michael and I since he is NEVER home. Ahhhh is it the time of the month? Why am I so dang emotional?

Reading this you are probably thinking my life is glamorous and amazing, well I won't lie it is but to give you a better portrayal of my true self- my favorite movie is Zoolander. Yep love me some Ben Stiller! I have probably watched it 100 times (usually after partying until 5 am at Ghost Bar or Denny's). So I ask you- what is your movie? Do you day dream like I do?

I'm Sorry What Did You Say???

2009-07-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

Alright let me start this off with a warning- it is not my intent to offend anyone in this post I simply want to point out something that I find funny. My little brain is kind of wacky so bare with me!

I am a visual learner! I am an actress so of course my personal assistant reads me my lines and I magically put up Emmy worthy performances each episode. I know simply amazing huh! So anyway when I read things I often read them exactly as they are spelled- no I do not take into account silent letters or different sounds. For example- EVERY SINGLE time I read this name I say it wrong- Joaquin- in my mind it is JOE A QUINN. I know Captain Stupid here! But come on we all do it!

For example people- it is not Mi Cochina- its Mi Cocina! Do not put the Ch sound in it. The restaurant is not translated into My Fat. I laugh every single time someone says that- and you guessed it- I am the inappropriate laugher! You know the person that can't stop laughing when they should not be laughing at all and then the harder you try to stop the worse it gets. Tears well up, snot starts to run down and then you explode into a huge laughter! Yep that's me! But Monica does it also- she may be worse than I am!

So anyway this happens to me when people say things incorrectly! Jennifer Aniston and I discussed this on our limo ride through Dallas the other day (yep thats how we roll). For instance its not Chip OT L people- its Chipotle! I am by no means an expert (see Joaquin example above) but ugh nothing is funnier than listening to it sometimes!

Also is it funny how when you go to an ethnic restaurant (let's say Mexican, Italian, etc....) and the person taking your order does not fit the demographic at all! I mean does it kind of take away from the experience- yeah I agree! Let's take lunch yesterday- I went to a French restaurant and upon leaving the lady taking my order said "thank you- Merci" except it came out like MERRRRRRRRRRRRCCCCAAAAA. Yep she was a true Texan and really didn't have the whole French accent down. It was so funny, I just left laughing!!! I mean who am I to talk I sound like a wet chicken sometimes!

The other funny thing is when you take on the accent that someone else has when you talk to them. I do this on a daily basis with Dennis's caretaker Rosie (you know from the Jetson's- awesome robot). I somehow start speaking robot talk in a slow and drawn out fashion. Michael always laughs at me but for some reason I feel like Rosie understands me better when I speak Robot/English. Hey call me crazy.

I thought about carrying around a megaphone (straight Ty Pennington style) and that way maybe people could hear me better. Kris and Bruce use to live in Brazil and so you know we did what all Brazilians did- get their legs waxed. Kris you know spoke such perfect Portugese that absolutely NO ONE understood her. She called to make the appointment and took the approach that the louder she spoke the more they would understand her! She proceeded to scream LEG WAXING into the phone- it seriously was hilarious. I mean if someone yelled Arabic at me I would totally understand! Ha!

Alright well Michael just called to tell me that JOE A QUINN Phoenix is coming for dinner- better get going!

Menace to Society

2009-07-27T15:38:00.000-07:00

I am one of three girls (remember frizz hair Monica and swinging single Carrie are my sisters), all I know about boys is that they stink, they burp and they well you know.... So anyway now I am the mother to a boy. Dennis is a sweet boy but don't be confused he is still a boy! He is a boy who loves to play in the rain, loves to ride in his pimped out Cozy Coupe and loves to um not take naps!

Who doesn't love naptime. I mean Dennis naptime = Lynette naptime. Well those days seem to be fading as fast as Lindsey Lohan's popularity. Today after a fun filled day riding the trolleys with Jennifer Aniston and Mousketeer P, I put Dennis down for a nap. I was in full naptime routine mode (when Michael is home from tour I have to actually pretend like I am doing something) which meant googling myself and scheduling my botox appointment for tomorrow. I hear Dennis talking, laughing, playing upstairs in his crib. SO I THOUGHT!!!

Finally after an hour I go into his room. Ladies please be warned, graphic description ahead! I walked into what appears to be some sort of weak attempt at decorating. I mean I do love me some chocolate brown paint (such as in our guest bathroom) HOWEVER I do not love it in Dennis's room! ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS NOT PAINT! Do you catch my drift. That's right, our little angel decided to mud wrestle with sweet Peter Rabbit in his crib. Yep he made his very own mud pit. Apparently the walls were lacking graffiti so he was kind enough to add that as well. And the diaper- well not sure if he was trying a weak attempt at a strip tease because the diaper was flung clear across the room. And after all this mess- I told our butler to go get Michael out of his recording studio....his response??? "Oh I have seen that before in the fraternity house, its what boys do" REALLY???????? Oh my gosh please help me!

Do I live in Animal House? Am I the house mom of Alpha Crazy Toddler Phi? Maybe today was initiation and this was all some elaborate hoax? It has to be right? Anyway- Dennis was a Menace today but please E! Channel- don't include that part in our True Hollywood Story (which airs in two weeks not that I am gloating or anything!).

Picture Time!

2009-07-26T18:16:00.001-07:00

Alright ladies (and men if there are any out there beside Michael Buble who read this!) let's talk pictures! A year ago I would say I was just your average photographer- you know the one who buys the disposable camera and everyone has to wait while you turn that annoyingly loud dial after each picture. Yea....um I basically have zero "good" pictures of Dennis when he was a baby. But hey I was an accountant- what am I suppose to know about pictures anyway.

Well.........hello Mommy world, hello new friends, hello my introduction to Mommy photography. Here are the rules- do not dare take out a camera that fits in your pocket. People will stare at you like naked Will Ferrell in Old School. Yep you will be "that" person. Do not even attempt to act cool by essentially trying to capture a cheetah running with your Polaroid. I mean you might as well have brought the old school camera that we had as kids (come on you know we all cried at Christmas when we got them- okay maybe that was just me)- the kind where you had to snap the flash on and you got maybe three pictures before you had to get a new flash!

The new rules allow you either to simply have the nagging paparazi take your photos. I mean come on we all know that they are waiting outside each of our houses. Did you see me on the cover of Runner's World last month- yep that was me and NO! editing was not necessary. I really just look that way- shocking I know!

Or if you prefer to act like a commoner and take your own pictures you must own either a Nikon or Canon. No fakes or substitutes will be accepted. You also must be friends with professional photographers. In fact as popular as Dennis and I are, we are friends with two- Jennifer Aniston and Charolette! You must also never use the camera strap that comes with your camera. Prada and Gucci are acceptable alternatives. Got it?

Okay now for the posing. Please know that I was a complete amatuer on this topic. I ALWAYS slam my chin as far back as possible and pull my shoulders forward. That pose always results in a super flattering photo and of course makes you look SUPER skinny. I know can you believe I gave you that advice for free!!!

Well really here is how posing works- Kelly Ripa, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston and Teresa perfected this pose last night. You don't believe me? Check TMZ! You see Juicy Joey threw Teresa a surprise party and of course we knew the paps would be there! So here it goes- tongue must touch the roof of your mouth while you smile, neck must stick out as far as possible (think ostrich style), hands must be on hips and arms at a 90 degree angle. This angle will eliminate any extra skin at the back of the arms from squishing into your body and will also hide the bra muffin tops. Not that I have either of those problems but I have heard they can be really annoying!!

We totally mastered this last nights- even Jennifer Aniston brought a new element with the strategic napkin placement- very sly! Can we just talk for one second about last night. With all these break-ups going on in Hollywood (think LeAnn Rimes and Jon and Kate) it was quite amusing to hear the stories from last night.

Michael and I fought the entire way to the party held in the VIP room of Chick Fil A. I mean Michael simply can not drive! Poor guy, who can blame him, he grew up in a town with the population of the size of Luby's on free dessert night. He didn't even take drivers ed- so of course, duh he can not drive on highways. Jessica and Nick had discussions about whether or not to feed Mouseketeer T chicken or tuna and Kelly Ripa and Regis fought about the fact that Kelly is pregnant yet AGAIN! Ahhh love my friends and the fact that we are all our own "normal". So refreshing! Happy Birthday Teresa- I must say as we discussed last night- girl it is not your miracle bra!!!

Friends are the Best Medicine!

2009-07-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

Let's talk pre-kids and post- kids and how are lives change. I mean honestly could you not write a novel about that! Well I could. Let's paint the picture- Pre-baby Lynette- she wore business suits, worked for one of the big 4 accounting firms, her clients included a movie theatre company, a titanium maker, and a pet food distributor. That's right I got to do amazing things like tour a wet dog food plan- Don't be jealous! She did not cook (oh wait- I still don't!), she had frizzy hair (oh wait still have that one), she worked on average 15 hours a day and thought that it was totally normal to do that- WHO WAS THIS PERSON!

Post-baby Lynette- She has traded the suits for some nice Ann Taylor Loft and Old Navy attire (is Ann Taylor Loft dorky? hmm maybe), her clients now include a superstar crooner (Michael of course), a escape artist dog (yep looked for her for TWO hours this morning!) and a white hair little repeater (is that a phase to repeat everything- he even laughs when others are laughing and he has no clue why he is laughing!). But the most important thing about post baby (warning- sappy language ahead) is that Lynette has a softer heart, a sweeter demeanor and seriously some of the best friends in the world. I have awesome awesome college friends (Katie Couric and Samantha from Sex in the City- just to name a few) and now my mommy friends have been my refuge. That was increasingly more evident last night at Girls Night Out- it feels like a good workout- you just feel refreshed. I mean we no doubt always shut the place down and only with mommy friends can you tak about crazy husbands (Michael included although he does sing a sweet little tune), Teresa's husband's football schedule- that's right Juciy Joey also dabbles in a little football, Kelly Ripa's impending second Mouseketeer arrival, Brie (Desp. Housewives) and her amazing little tutoring business (hmmm what is she really tutoring in?) and of course Charolette's (Sex in the City) clogged milk machine.

I really am blessed to have these girls come into my life. Not even all of them were there either! You know celebrities have busy lives- I mean just the other day Jessica Simpson ran into Jennifer Aniston and a huge fight ensued over John Mayer and I had to remind them- Ladies- John is not even in this script! All was settled and Jess went home to Nick and Jenn to Bradley.

Sometimes its easy to feel sorry for yourself- happens to me all the time- Michael's tour, Michael's crazy fans- I mean what is a poor girl to do but there is nothing like your friends to whip you back to reality and show you just how lucky we all are! I mean not everyone has friends, black AMEX cards and botox parties like we do! I even thought about buying a bunch of BFF necklaces (you know the heart ones where you each take a half) and giving them to the girls- would that be weird- wearing like 20 of them? Love you girls- now get out of my way- I want to make sure the paparazi gets pics for next weeks US Weekly- Mama needs some new shoes (and Old Navy is having a crazy sale!)

She-Ra is killing Me!

2009-07-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

How do you spell She-Ra? I don't know if my spelling is right but I like it so I'll go with it! If you see these headlines in your Dallas Morning News (come on please don't tell me Michael and I are the only nerds out there that still read the thing) don't be shocked- She-Ra runs Lynette into the Ground!!!

She-Ra is what I call the amazingly in shape neighbor who runs a boot camp in my neighborhood! I have been going for about three weeks (I know you can't really tell can you! ha!) and seriously she is killing me! I mean it is the hardest thing ever. I am totally in shape for Wipe Out now- just waiting on the producers to notice me in my hot workout gear and think dang- I think she could totally conquer the red balls- yeah because I could duh!!!

Anyway She-Ra is getting me ready for the tremendous weight gain that I call pregnancy- NOPE, not pregnant but hoping to be in the next 6 mths (or 6 yrs!) and we all know Lynette here transforms into a beached whale during pregnancy- and for real I am not kidding- should we mention that Michael Buble ever so kindly told me one time that I now weighed more than he did- hmmmm ask him how that worked out for him! You get my point!

She-Ra seriously must think we are in training camp for the Cowboys or preparing for war at the neighborhood pool because this is hard core boot camp! HARD CORE! But I must say She-Ra has a six pack and Lynette here well I maybe just have a one pack- She-Ra has three kids- Lynette- one- hmmmm do you gain part of your six pack with each kid? I am assuming so- can't wait to have another! ha!!!

So Kris Kardashian (mom) and Bruce Willis (dad) came over last night since Michael is still on tour. We ate and of course the rents totally took over the TV! Seriously I do not want to watch Andy Griffith, BBC or Bob Villa's This Old House- so what did we watch Mission Impossible- oh wait not the movie- the TV show- yes I didn't even know they had such a thing. Don't worry- BORING! I mean they were still using phones with cords on them and cans with strings to talk to each other- SERIOUSLY- how did they SURVIVE! Ugh I am just so glad we have quality reality TV shows now- I mean who doesn't love a good Rock of Love or Cheaters marathon- QUALITY!

All right- apparently I am suppose to be doing my day job here- you know being an actress! Stay tuned...........

What is in that thing?

2009-07-20T18:14:00.000-07:00

Okay so I have a few random topics on my mind. Michael Buble's tour has been extra crazy lately so guess what.....you get to listen to me tonight! I mean the kid already had his night cap and retired to his sleeping chambers and I am just irritated listening to the "man code" conversation on the Bachelorette tonight. Yes I do watch that show and I have no explanation on why I get hooked on each season! I mean really- this "man code" dude on here looks half caveman half coal mine worker. Seriously dude?

So.... (I know I say so a lot- get over it) let's chat about women's purses. Better yet Mommy purses! I mean mine is nothing short of a traveling fully stocked changing table, pantry, toy store, landfill, oh and I have some lipstick in there...I think. Many times I am more concerned if diapers, Thomas the Train and and beverages are in there rather than my wallet....hmmm that is always a fun one when it is actually NOT in there! Oh and why in the world would my phone need to actually be in my purse, the seat of a DART train is a much better place! So fun that my pregnant friend Jessica Simpson and my other friend, Teresa (from Housewives of NJ) had to run through the train the next time it came by in order to retrieve said phone. Lovely!

I mean when did my purse become this giant travelling sack. Should I just carry around a giant white trash bag- better yet I think a black one would be a better size. I should get those bags that stretch and you can catch a falling piano with- I mean who knows a falling piano could happen! I am warning those who encounter my massive purse (meaning certain critical husbands) I may go straight Mary Poppins on you and pull a lamp out of the sucker!

So my question is......is the key to have a small purse so that you can not fit a small child in it (not that I would ever think of that right???) or should I carry around a duffel bag. Better yet should I go with a satchel? And do they have purse cleaners- I mean could I start a business where you drop off my purse and they run it through a little cleaner (all while I watch from inside the building eating Spaghetti Warehouse lollipop sticks)?

Okay so enough of the purse discussion- let's talk tipping! If you don't know by now I am a CPA- certified public nerd! That's right- I like the numbers! So I always have enjoyed figurin out tips- its a numbers game- NERD I KNOW! What I really want to talk about is salon tipping! I will never forget when my sister Carrie told me she tipped her hair lady $5. Now poor Carrie she thought you just tipped everyone $5. I bet her hair lady just loved seeing her coming!

I am particularly annoyed with nail salon tipping. So the other day Michael had a break in his tour and I had the chance to get a pedicure. So I do and once my feet look sufficient that pass the Bachelorette's Tanners foot test, I go to pay. Nail man gives me my receipt and I ask where do I write in the tip- he ever so kindly points to a sign that says- Effective July 1, we only accept cash tips and for your convenience we have installed an ATM machine. Ok let me get this straight- first of all- WHO CARRY CASH ANYMORE (well apparently Jessica Simpson because today at lunch Mouseketeer T was makin it rain in Cafe Express) and second of all- you want me to pay $3.50 in service charges to give you a $2 tip- I think NOT! So what did I do- I scrounged my Mary Poppin purse for a whopping 60 cents in change and handed it to nail man- Sorry dude, should have thought twice about your fancy shmacing ATM!

Well- it seems as the Ice Cream man's truck has "conveniently" stalled in front of my house. Have they figured out that Dennis also knows how to find change in Mary Poppins and is a sucked for the push pops?? hmmm I better go tell them I am not buying the whole 'I ran out of gas excuse'- not a gas station here Ice Cream man keeping moving!!

Only the Greatest Toy Ever Invented! Duh!

2009-07-18T12:01:00.000-07:00

Alright so it has been an interesting few days. Michael Buble is on tour so of course he has not been HOME at all! By tour I mean his day job and in our family's case that means weekly travel. The way the travel has fallen lately it has pretty much been back to back! Sooooo Dennis the Menace and I have had some real bonding sessions lately. Maybe I should re-phrase that- we have had some Mommy pull her hair out while child thinks it is funny to test me in every aspect of my life. Patience is something I am lacking lately!

On a side note- Dennis is currently about 5 inches from figuring out how to get out of the crib. Not that this is shocking considering half of the Mouseketeers have already figured this out but really- JUST STAY IN THE CRIB!

Okay that was boring- let's get to the good stuff! So I am a space cadet times 1000 sometimes. Today I met Jennifer Aniston (who in this blog is married to Bradley Cooper- Love him!) at NorthPark Mall for a the grand opening of the LEGO store. I mean we went on a whim- total last minute, both dying to get out of the house- completely spontaneous.

Let's digress for a bit and chat a little bit about Jennifer Aniston. She is one of my sweetest friends and we have TONS in common. I actually think our sons were connected at birth ( I mean not really....but maybe!!!), it could happen right??. Both sons are blondies, both have food sensitivities(fun times!) and in general the same demeanor. Okay so anyway- the 411 on Jennifer is she likes to work out, is a super talented photographer and like I said before is married to Bradley Cooper.

Soooo we met today for the grand opening of the LEGO store. I mean really are LEGOs that popular? Really do people camp out for days before the store opens? I mean is the blue six dot lego that amazing? APPARENTLY! Literally the line was wrapped around the entire mall (okay maybe not the ENTIRE mall but close enough)! We basically just pushed our strollers right into the store (oblivious to the 25 mile line outside) and LEGO Geek snapped 6 red dot LEGOS together and pushed us out of the store with his LEGO barricade! Too bad the Maclaren crapped out on me and the LEGOs Won! Dang those LEGOS are strong!!

So I go ask a LEGO Geek why this line is so long and what is the big deal about this store- his response: Well LEGOs are only the coolest toy EVER invented. OH REALLY? I beg to differ- what about Cabbage Patch Kids and My Little Pony- I mean the My Little Pony barn....come on, way cooler than LEGOs! So anyway, we were blacklisted from the store and booted to the food court! Whatever Orange Cup WAY beats the LEGO Geeks!

So why am I a space cadet??? because after Jennifer ran home to Bradley with Mouseketeer P in tow, Dennis and I sloshed around the mall for an hour because I was convinced I lost my phone only to find it when we returned home next to Dennis's car seat. I had already gone through the stages of mourning on the drive home over this phone so now I am kind of over this phone! To top it off, the whole time we were speed racing around the mall, Dennis was holding onto my V-Neck shirt and pulling it down. So apparently I am not super gorgeous like I thought- men were only staring at me because I was basically naked on one side!! NICE!!!

Stay tuned for a recap of dinner with Kelly Ripa, Lily (from How I Met your Mother), J-Lo and Bethanny (from Real Housewives of NY)! Rip roaring time!

Welcome to Hollywood!!

2009-07-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

And so it begins...This is my new "adult" blog. Wait, let me clarify that-take your head out of the gutter- it is not "adult" as what most would think- it is kid free! Sure we will talk about our kids and all of the annoying, hilarious, even embarrassing things that happen in our lives which for some of us includes kids but we will not be reporting on Junior's latest 5000 essays that he has written or Sally Sue's Olympic playgroup escapades and we certainly will not report on little Johnny's potty training adventures. Nope- this is an adult blog where we can talk about life and all that goes with it. But of course it would be crazy boring if I just wrote about life such as: "well I made dinner tonight, I burned it again, we ate it, good night." I mean this is not a facebook status or a Twitter forum here people!

So here are the rules to this little blog! NO REAL NAMES WILL BE USED! Even in the comments please do not refer or make comments about people by using their real names. Only their given character names should be used! I like to maintain a level of privacy with this stuff! If you break this rule, well then I might have to ban you from the Internet forever! And yes I do have that power!!

I would love all suggestions, ideas and even input on characters. Bring it on!!! I reserve the right to change characters and will have final approval on all characters! This blog will simply detail daily life- WITH A TWIST!

Now to the good part!!! Are you still with me? Good! Okay so who am I?? Well I am Lynette. You know, Lynette from Desperate Housewives. You know she was not really my first choice for me but honestly it makes sense. I can be a total stress ball, completely unorganized, I like to dress up but am most comfortable in casual clothes and I left the corporate world to raise a family. I do identify with Lynette and I will represent her well. Of course I am married to Michael Buble. I mean really, if you know me, does that surprise you! My husband is the man of my dreams but I do have a serious major obsession with Michael Buble! LOVE HIM! (maybe he will read this!) so what a perfect husband for Lynette!!

Our offspring- well that would be Dennis the Menace. He is not always a CRAZY wild uncaged monkey however he does sport the white hair and does bear some resemblance and can have a wild side so Dennis he is! His little compadres will be known as the Mouseketeers.

Now is this boring yet? All other characters will appear in future posts. I mean would you really want to read about all of my 5000 friends in one post? Yeah me neither! I will introduce you to my immediate family briefly. They will develop as we go!

Mom- Kris Kardashian- This is more of a family joke but hey she is the mother of many girls and my mom does have some mad fashion sense so hey it works! She always sports hoop earrings that a small elephant could jump through!

Dad- Bruce Willis- I know weird I mean he did just get done with all the Die Hard movies but my wise father thinks he looks like Bruce so instead of Bruce Jenner- he gets Bruce Willis!

Sister K- Carrie from Sex in the City- fashionable, single (not married), cosmopolitan (the adjective not the drink although Carrie does love her a good Cosmo) and slick.

Sister C and Husband- Monica and Chandler- Sister C is Type A, has a huge afro of hair that looks like a mop in the humid climate that she lives in (think Monica's trip to Mexico in the last season)- that is Sister C's hair to a T, and loves to cook (and is actually good!). Husband of Sister C- well he is like Chandler in so many way but most of all- I have no clue what his job is and did anyone ever know what Chandler's job was- there you go!

Okay so for those of you who stayed with me! Congrats this post is over! The real fun begins now! Keep coming back! Until then, watch out for the paparazzi when you walk outside, you never know when you might show up on here!!!!